


Reverse Portal AU season 1

by Sob3rNerd73



Series: a slightly different Reverse Portal AU [2]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Because I can, Bonding, Dipper just wants to make Ford proud, Enchantment, Faerie Glamour, Faeries - Freeform, Family Bonding, Ford Pines Has Issues, Ford Pines Needs a Hug, I can't write backgrounds but I try, I've changed up some things, Intrusive Thoughts, Journal 3 is found, Mabel just wants a decent summer romance, Magic, Melody will show up more later I promise, Mental Health Issues, Paranoid Ford, Pines Family Bonding, Pines Supernatural Shenanigans, Reverse Portal AU, Science, What am I doing, and is pretty sure he's the author, are also a thing here, give him blankets, idk how to tag, or the equivalent of a hug for this touch-averse sad nerd, real-life Journal 3 references but you don't have to have it, references everywhere, swearing (mentally), tags will change as more chapters are added, the Gobblewonker is proven, these twins are wonderful, touch-averse Ford
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:21:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24505339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sob3rNerd73/pseuds/Sob3rNerd73
Summary: What it says on the tin.Dipper and Mabel Pines were shipped off to their uncle's tourist trap in The Middle of Nowhere, AKA Gravity Falls, Oregon. They were expecting a boring routine of work, mosquito bites, and heat. As it turned out, the woods were filled with all sorts of creatures, some beyond imagination, some the embodiment of myths.Their uncle being a supernatural expert and rather decent mage also tends to draw out some of the more interesting denizens of the ancient Gravity Falls wood.--It isn't completely necessary to read the prequel to this, you just might be a little confused over a few things that had been established.- no longer on hiatus :D - still don’t have an update schedule though -
Relationships: Dipper Pines & Mabel Pines, Dipper Pines & Mabel Pines & Ford Pines, Ford Pines & Melody, Ford Pines & Wendy Corduroy, The twins & Melody
Series: a slightly different Reverse Portal AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1757092
Comments: 37
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome, dear readers, to a project that has been stewing in my brain for about a year now. This chapter/episode will have two parts, I've already started the second and have many ideas for what's to come.
> 
> Don't expect a regular update schedule, online school has been kicking my ass.
> 
> These prizes- 🏆🍪 to anyone who knows where I got the idea of Aisling. Comment! Critique! I want to know your thoughts, and I want to improve my writing!

_Ah, summer break._

_A time for leisure, recreation, and takin’ her easy._

_Unless you’re me._

And with those thoughts, Dipper Pines crashed his uncle’s golf cart through the sign that welcomed newcomers to Gravity Falls.

The three passengers screamed as the cart hurtled toward the uncaring ground, but it managed to land on all four wheels, bouncing slightly.

_My name is Dipper. The girl about to puke is my sister Mabel. The man trying to write notes is my Grunkle Ford. You’re probably wondering what we’re doing in a golf cart, fleeing from a creature of unimaginable horror._

“It’s getting closer!” Mabel warned, turning to look back at the figure chasing them.

“This is somehow both amazing and terrifying! Drive, Dipper!” Ford yelled, gripping the edges of his notebook for dear life while reevaluating his. On another note, he was glad he had installed seatbelts.

The cart abruptly swerved as Dipper tried to avoid a fallen tree, and they all screamed again.

_Let’s rewind._

...............................................................

“Mabel, do you realize how weird you’re being?”

Snapped out of her daydreams, Mabel Pines turned to face her annoyed twin with a frown.

“What? The Shack is opening soon, bro! This is our first summer away from home! It’s my big chance for an epic summer romance, and what better place for it to begin other than our grunkle’s Tourist Trap, which has the stuff dreams are made of!” Mabel argued while she slid the rest of her “Do You Like Me” questionnaire behind a postcard, with a sparkly tab with “Dear Hot Guys” written on it sticking out above.

“Mabel, only you would dream about a mermonkey- and not consider it a nightmare.”

Mabel pointedly ignored her brother’s probably-true statement.

“And now, to wait for the tour bus!” With that, Mabel dove behind a shelf of 8-Ball fortune tellers.

Dipper sighed and began cleaning a jar of luminous spheres on a stand nearby. They were supposed to show the face of your soulmate, and cost $100 each, which a lot of people were willing to pay. His logic dictated that if Ford was an expert on the supernatural, at least some of the stuff he sold had to be real; so he tried once, skeptical, but only saw dampened refracted light. It was sort of depressing.

“Mabel, I know you’re going through your whole ‘boy crazy’ phase,” Dipper turned to look at his semi-same twin. “but I think you’re overdoing it on the ‘crazy’ part.”

“Oh please,” Mabel said, rolling her eyes in a lighthearted way. “I gotta put myself out there, bro! You never know! Plus, now that I know all supernatural stuff is real, what if I catch the attention of a vampire?”

“Yeah, sure, but do you have to treat every guy you meet like he’s ‘the one’?” Dipper raised an eyebrow.

—

They both remembered the previous afternoon, when Ford was both running the Shack and showing them how to work the register and how to treat customers (how to come up with a price for things that was well over what they were worth but still sounded reasonable to the casual gullible tourists, and how to always either lock away any single dollars to be burned later, or try to exchange them any chance they got.)

That last instruction left Mabel very confused and Dipper very happy someone else thought there was something weird about the single dollar.

Any teen boy that walked in was Mabel’s type, apparently. Before the current day’s idea of leaving conspicuous notes, that day she had gone up to the people in person.

She weirded out some poor kid with a turtle.

She shoved a guy into a postcard stand while making a rather poor joke.

While a boy was reading a book on cryptids, she fell off a shelf of mini wishing-wells while exclaiming that his wish for her had come true, taking the shelf with her, and scaring the poor kid so bad he actually started crying.

Melody had a fair amount of work to get done that day, but she said she had been meaning to improve the shelves and stands anyway.

—

“Mock all you want brother, but I guarantee I’ll find romance this season! In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if the man of my dreams walked through that door right now.” Mabel jabbed a thumb at the front door when both the twins heard the distant but unmistakable loud rumble that could only mean an approaching tour bus.

Before the telltale squeal of poorly oiled breaks could be heard, however, a man in a lab coat and tie, horn-rims askew, slammed the door open with one hand while holding something with a rainbow reflection in the other in a death grip.

His face was so red with a mix of what looked like fury and shock Mabel was completely distracted from her previous claim and instead felt tempted to ask him if he had remembered to put on sunblock.

She heard Dipper snort out of disbelief, and she sighed, asking “What?”

This situation was still confusing, though.

“THOSE SIRENS!” The livid man all but screamed. “You accidentally offend one of them one time and they keep their grudge by leaving GARBAGE LIKE THIS-“

Their grunkle then hurled what the twins could make out as a glass pyramid at the wall, shattering it into thousands of pieces that scattered throughout the gift shop.

“-ON MY DOORSTEP!”

Upon finishing his rant, Ford then sighed and massaged the spot between his eyes. “Wendy, if you could please-“

“On it, Dr. P.”

The cashier, Wendy, was hardly fazed as she reached under the counter and drew out what looked like a metal detector with an extendable handle, which she then turned on and began drawing all the glass shards to the flat bottom of the device.

Melody poked her head out from behind the tour room curtain with a confused frown.

“I thought they got bored of that like, what, two years ago?”

“Well, I believe it’s safe to assume waiting for an extended period of time was a part of their ploy to catch me off-guard.”

“Woah woah wait,” Dipped waves his hands in front of him. “Sirens? You offended one of them? What?”

“How is a glass pyramid garbage? They’re pretty, and reflect rainbows!” Mabel cocked her head to the side in confusion.

“Children, I do admire your pertinent questions, but in case you didn’t hear, a tour bus is arriving! Give me a review, what are your tasks for today?” Dodging the subject in a very not-subtle manner, Ford managed a small smile towards his newest employees.

“I clean what looks dirty, and offer information to curious tourists! If I don’t know something, I either make it up or encourage them to by a book or several on cryptology and anomalies!” Dipper recited happily. Since the Shack was fairly spotless, and both helping people with info and helping to sell merchandise guaranteed an increase in tips that he got to keep, the boy was rather fond of his role.

Ford nodded his approval. “Mabel?” He asked.

“Be cute and great! And occasionally work the register while Wendy is on one of her probably-not-designated breaks.” Mabel smiled and poked at her rosy cheeks.

“Well, I suppose that’s the gist of it. I’ll be off giving tours, but if you require my assistance, I pose no objections to you coming to fetch me.” The scientist placed his hands behind his back and gave the twins a proud smile, which turned into a wince when the familiar sound of public transport breaks rang throughout the Shack.

“Alright kids, off to work!” — After his niece and nephew wandered away, Ford approached the door and took a deep breath.

That damned pyramid left by those damned creatures had thrown him off his game. He wished it wasn’t a workday, so he didn’t have to don his mask and deal with people, especially the mindless throngs of the self-proclaimed supernaturally-inclined. It took Effort, capital ‘E’. Melody called it ‘masking’, he called it ‘showmanship’, to-may-to to-mah-to.

At least what he did required minimal actual interaction or conversation outside of the occasional new inquiry.

It was showtime.

Deciding it had been long enough since the time the bus had stopped, Ford threw open the gift shop door with a flourish, enunciating the movement to accentuate his lab coat.

“Greetings, dear tourists! I see you have been traveling through these woods. Say, has something not felt quite right? Have you noticed an odd shadow or strange sound, as if there was something impossible to explain just waiting amongst the trees?” Ford smiled and held his hand by his mouth in a conspiratorial fashion, tilting his head slightly at the angle he knew would cause the sunlight to reflect off his glasses.

The crowd was enraptured, staring at what looked like the classic supernatural-obsessed mad scientist who lived in the creepiest woods of the country.

They weren’t exactly wrong.

“Welcome to the Mystery Shack,” the man flung his arms in a wide, exaggerated gesture of welcome. “the most accurate and thorough cabinet of curiosities regarding the paranormal! I am your host, Dr. Mystery.” With that, he bowed slightly and held out one 6-fingered hand, earning a delighted gasp from his captivated audience.

Standing to the side, Ford then gestured for the tourists to enter.

“Now, behind that curtain,” he pointed towards the back of the shop. “is the grand tour around my collections. Some of what I have is horrifying, some is beautiful. If you wish, you can enter and pay the fee indicated on the sign, $50 per person, with an additional $20 to get your picture taken with anything, or you can remain in the gift shop and purchase any number of souvenirs and informational books.” Ford then turned and led the majority of his newest guests through the tour curtain, while some remained behind to peruse the various keepsakes, tomes, and artifacts that made up the gift shop’s merchandise.

Dipper raised his eyebrows, staring at his showman grunkle from his spot cleaning some Aztec calendars hanging on the wall near a far corner of the shop. Sure, he had already seen this flamboyant persona his uncle adopted the previous day, but it was still very impressive.

Dipper could also tell that despite also having his signature dramatic flair, the way Ford acted around him and his sister was more sincere. It made the boy glad to be set apart from the random weirdos they usually got as customers.

“He’s looking at it. He’s looking at it!” An excited, quiet voice sounded next to him, and he almost fell over in shock. When did she get there?!

Dipper turned to see his aforementioned twin jumping up and down in excitement, while not-so-effectively hiding behind a nearby bookshelf that contained books on cryptids, alien sightings, and botany for some reason.

Turning to look at what she was facing, Dipper noticed one of the tourists that stayed behind in the shop, a tanned guy who looked around 14, was pulling her sparkly note out from behind a postcard curiously.

“Uhh... ‘Do you like me? -Yes; -Definitely; -Absolutely!!!’?” After reading the note, he looked around, nervousness and confusion warring for dominance over his expression.

“I rigged it.” Mabel claimed, smiling deviously.

“Again, Mabes, you’re way overdoing it on the ‘crazy’ part.” Crossing his arms, Dipper leaned against the wall. His twin blew a raspberry.

“Balderdash, dear brother! Look, see that curtain? One of the curious tourists behind it could be my dream guy! And my dream guy wouldn’t mind a little crazy!”

“I know I wouldn’t. And neither would a friend of mine.”

The twins jumped and turned to the eavesdropper.

A blond that couldn’t have been older than 13 gave them a smile from where he was leaning on a keychain barrel. His cool, confident air, backwards cap, straight bangs, and backpack with a skateboard tied to it were all the incentive Mabel needed to be completely enamored.

“Ooh, hi handsome,” she ran up to him. “Say, that’s a really neat skateboard!” The girl then noticed his eyes and gasped. “And your eyes are two different colors! You’re gorgeous! Personally, I can’t see any better combination than purple and green.”

Dipper frowned at this. “Wait- one of his eyes is purple?” While heterochromia was rare, he knew it was possible. What he knew wasn’t possible was humans having purple eyes.

He approached the stranger, who did turn out to have one light green eye and one deep purple eye. Both they and the boy were rather enticing. Dipper blinked. _Did I really just think that?_

“Thanks, beautiful. Although, I regret to say I believe you would like my friend better. I want to introduce you. Say, can I have your guys’ names?” The stranger smiled charmingly again, and Mabel was about to speak up when her brother yanked on her sweater and cut her off.

Something was wrong about this kid.

“Can we get yours, first? Equivalent exchange and all that.” Dipper raised a brow, and ignored his sister’s glare.

This caught the skateboarder off-guard. “Well- you see,” the kid Dipper decided to dub ‘Suspicious’ blushed, and it was annoyingly adorable.

“I don’t think you’d be able to pronounce it, I’m foreign.”

“Aw, that’s alright! Your English is amazing! I’m Mabel, Mabel Pines!” Mabel smiled and reached out to shake Suspicious’ hand.

The feeling that Dipper had about something being wrong doubled.

Maybe it was the way Suspicious phrased his asking of their names?

Suspicious smiled... well, suspiciously, and shook Mabel’s hand. “Nice to make your acquaintance, Mabel Pines.” Dipper’s blood ran cold. He pronounced it with the exact same inflections and pronunciations as his sister. Before Dipper could speak up about how weird this was getting, Suspicious was walking off with Mabel, hand on her shoulder.

Dipper experienced emotional whiplash with how quickly his anxiety turned to anger.

“Uh, _hey-_ “ he tried.

“Mabel Pines, you’re going to love my friend Norman,” Suspicious said, speaking right over Dipper. Mabel didn’t even notice. “he’s been looking for his other half and spotted you. The guy was too nervous to come talk to you himself, so he had me come instead. Don’t worry though, once you get to know each other he’ll come out of his shell.”

“Aw, I adore sensitive guys! Is he tall?” Mabel giggled and blushed.

“Just a few inches taller than me.” Suspicious said from his 5-inch advantage over Mabel.

“Yes!”

The group approached a darkly clad, hunched figure that was staring blankly at a Mystery Shack snow globe. He had a few sticks and leaves poking out of the hair that could be seen outside of his black hood, and a red substance on his face. He was paler than Dipper had ever seen on any human and looked like he was trying a little too hard to have a ‘dark and edgy’ vibe. If Dipper were to guess his age, he would say around… 15?

“Mabel, this is Norman. Norman this is Mabel.”

“‘Sup?” Norman asked in a voice deeper and more gravelly than Ford’s, giving Mabel finger guns. His hands were oddly stiff.

“You’re beautiful.” Mabel stared in awe.

“Are you bleeding, Norman?” Dipper pointed to the red spot on Norman’s cheek, earning a brief glare from Suspicious.

“It’s... jam!” Norman exclaimed, pausing unnaturally in between the syllables.

Mabel gasped. “I love jam! Look. At. This!”

“Now off you go, you crazy kids! Mabel, _enjoy yourself_.” Suspicious smiled and Dipper could’ve sworn his teeth were briefly razor-sharp.

Suspicious walked off before Dipper could question him, and promptly somehow managed to lose Dipper within the relatively small gift shop that couldn’t have had more than 15 other people in it.

Dipper turned to where Mabel was laughing about something Norman had said.

This could only turn out badly.

Dipper felt tempted to go get his grunkle, then realized that if he disposed of Norman on his own, provided that he was a supernatural creature, Ford would be super proud! Maybe they could go to more dangerous parts of the forest, or on monster hunts!

He also had no idea where Ford was, the tour sometimes extended to outside the Shack.

The oddly dreamy Suspicious was another concern, but he was gone, and Norman was still there, so Dipper decided Suspicious could be worried about later.

Around an hour after Mabel and Norman’s meet cute, when the amount of customers had come to the daily lull, Melody asked him to hang up some signs in the woods, and tossed him a tricked-out burner phone that his uncle had built; it could get a signal anywhere, and had an single-button speed dial for both Ford and another one for the local emergency services. Luckily, they were easily distinguishable.

She also handed him a compass with two settings: one to function as a normal compass, and the other to point towards the Mystery Shack.

“But, what about Mabel?” Dipper glared suspiciously at the picnic table outside, where Mabel and Norman were making each other sandwiches.

“Don’t worry dude, I’ll make sure she doesn’t go anywhere. So you’re as suspicious of Norman as I am?”

“Definitely- have you noticed he never blinks?”

“Yeah, and how he moves all jerkily, with a limp- you think he’s a zombie?”

Dipper’s eyes widened. Now there was a thought.

“Now off you go, kiddo. Here is a hammer and some nails, stick to the safe parts- listen to your gut. Remember the phone.” Melody gave him a smile and brief noogie before heading to sit down on the porch, since she had finished repairing and renovating all that she had wanted to repair and renovate.

Tersely avoiding looking at Mabel and the weirdo she was somehow smitten with, Dipper strode into the forest, mulling over the idea of his sister’s newest companion being one of the undead.

—

Ford decided to close the Shack early that day, since it was more difficult than usual to retain his exuberant, not-quite-manic tourist-friendly façade. Everything had begun to just feel more wrong; explaining things over and over had become exhausting, and he had thought one of the tourists’ eyes flashed yellow.

Those _fucking sirens_.

They left something triangular. Right outside Ford’s doorstep. A three-dimensional gateway He could see through- it was outside the unicorn hair boundary.

It was something Ford once had many of, in his twisted shrine of blind worship, led by the leash of his _ego_. His _arrogance_.

Its clear glass shape was winking in the sunlight, reflecting all his past mistakes in a rainbow that may have looked nice to others, but hurt his head and brought back a phantom pain in his right eye he thought was long gone.

The man had felt no small satisfaction in shattering the cursed structure to pieces, and was glad he had invented that glass-removal device.

He had broken many things over the years.

 _What if you break the kids?_ That familiar shrill voice piped up from the back of his mind.

Ford winced and shook his head vigorously. _You’re within the boundaries of the unicorn spell, you’re on the roof, get it together-_

“Hey, Dr. P. I didn’t know you knew about this place.” A calm voice interrupted Ford’s racing thoughts, and a flannel-clad weight plopped down next to him, on the edge of the roof outcropping where Wendy’s ‘secret’ break spot was.

“I have for a while now. Don’t go changing it, as you can see I also occasionally seek asylum here,” Ford admitted. “taking solace in the breeze and view. You’re rather talented when it comes to relaxation, you know.” He rested his elbows on his knees and looked up across the tree line made up of the few trees shorter than his vantage point with a small smile.

Looking at the surface, it was impossible to tell what horrors lived underneath the canopy.

The horrors that shunned the sun.

Ford took comfort in the view, and inhaled the brief gust of wind that had amplified the scent of pine and warmth that permeated everything.

“I’m flattered that someone besides myself recognizes my skill. There’s no way I’m moving this, the spot is too good, and you seem to really like it up here.” Wendy then reached back and dragged a pre-placed cooler up next to her.

“Soda?”

“Yes please- do you have anything caffeinated?”

“Indeed I do.”

Wendy tossed her boss a can of ‘Hill-Dew: It’s better than mildew’, and grabbed a Pitt Cola for herself.

As much as Ford preferred coffee, he wasn’t willing to give up the calm atmosphere to go down to the kitchen and make some. He knew that cold coffee was a thing, but it was an evil, horrible thing that’s existence remained unjustified.

Caffeinated soda was leagues better.

“Is this why you often go missing from the register?” Ford asked, turning to his employee. “If so, please increase the time you actually work, or I’ll consider your pay as half-time instead of full-time.”

Wendy raised an eyebrow. “That’s low, dude. But reasonable. Look, I’ll try to spend less time up here during work hours.”

Ford glared lightly.

“Fine. I _will_ come up here less during work hours.”

“Thank you. I understand that was difficult.”

The teen scoffed, and the pair sipped at their soda.

“By the way, did you know Mabel is going out with someone?”

Ford spit out his drink and choked on what he had been in the process of swallowing.

“Wh-what? WHAT?!” He sputtered, his mind short-circuiting.

His niece? His _twelve-year-old niece?!_

“Since when?!”

“Since an hour or two ago. I saw them at the picnic table, and just put two and two together.”

Ford stared, horrified.

“Wait- no, boss. All they were doing was weaving flower necklaces for each other, and complimenting, and holding hands. Melody is watching them, don’t worry. They’re not leaving.”

Ford was about to inquire about the traits of Mabel’s new love interest when his burner phone buzzed.

Wait. What?

Scrambling, he drew it out of his pants pocket, earning a questioning look from Wendy.

“Um- hello?”

—

Dipper stalked through the woods, occasionally stopping to angrily nail up signs, contemplating how his sister, who for all her ridiculousness and sparkles was actually quite smart, fell for the obvious weirdo con deal going on with Norman and Suspicious.

The inherent spookiness of the area he was in didn’t bother him all that much.

Sure, it was dark despite being in the early afternoon, and there was fog everywhere, and there was a persistent smell of damp, rotting wood;

and there was this almost constant low chittering that sounded like it was always just behind him...

But Dipper was too angry and confused to care. _What do those weirdos want with my sister?!_

About to hammer in another nail, the boy noticed how hard and not-quite-real the selected tree looked. He hammered on the nail, and was met with a sharp clanging sound, along with vibrations sent up his arm.

_What the..._

He hammered the tree directly and was met with similar sounds, so he felt along the trunk and found a seam that practically screamed ‘secret door’. He pulled it open with little effort, and was met with a small compartment containing a weird control panel covered in dials, buttons, and joysticks. There were tubes that connected it to the rest of the fake tree.

Figuring it was an old hidden control of sorts that didn’t do anything, he fiddled with it, and heard a sliding sound and the frightened bleating of a goat coming from a few feet away. Turning, he found an open, obviously artificial shallow rectangular hole in the ground that hadn’t been there before. There was an object inside.

It turned out to be a dusty, slightly filthy journal, with a golden six-fingered hand emblem on the cover which had ‘3’ painted on it.

The first thought that came to mind was his grunkle.

Flipping through it, Dipper felt his stomach sink in dread as the passages slowly became more frantic and paranoid, the last entry, which came before even half the pages had been filled, made his blood run cold.

“‘Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed. I’m being watched. I must hide this journal before He finds it. Remember- in Gravity Falls, there is no one you can trust.’” The boy read.

Dipper then glanced down at the script below the passage- ‘TRUST NO ONE’ was written in blocky, frantic letters and underlined twice.

Suddenly, he was all too aware of the silence of the section of the forest he was in.

Starting to get freaked out, but still curious about his discovery, the boy flipped back some pages, and happened upon a passage about zombies. “‘Known for their pale skin and bad attitudes, these creatures are often mistaken for teenagers. Beware Gravity Falls’ nefarious zombies!’?!” Dipper gasped and observed the illustration, which was the almost exact likeness of Norman.

Was Norman a zombie?! And the weirdly charming Suspicious probably used his charisma to entrap innocents into going out with Norman so he can eat their brains! They must have a pact of some kind!

Wow, movies were way off when it came to zombies’ intelligence- or lack thereof.

Deciding there was no time to waste, Dipper shoved the journal into an inside pocket of his vest and began sprinting back home.

Then immediately got tired.

Wait- of course! He knew a supernatural expert!

Who the journal reminded him of...

Pulling out the burner Melody had given him, Dipper speed-dialed Ford. The response was almost immediate.

“Um- hello?”

“Grunkle Ford! It’s Dipper, Melody gave this to me when she had me go hang up signs. But that isn’t important. I think Mabel might be dating a zombie!” Dipper gasped after saying all that in one breath.

There was a heavy silence on the other end. “Dipper, this is gravely serious. Do you have evidence to back up this claim?”

“Have you seen him?! He never blinks! And I’m pretty sure he was bleeding earlier. And he moves all weird, and acts like a moody teen. Melody even agrees with me!”

“Alright, Dipper. Listen- start heading back to the Shack if you haven’t already. Melody is keeping an eye on Mabel, don’t worry. We have time. Once you arrive”, Dipper heard the smile in his grunkle’s voice. “I’ll teach you a little something on pest control. I’ve dealt with beings like this before.” He hung up. Dipper smiled, elated.

Ford was actually taking him on a monster hunt! Or something like it, at least.

Speed-walking in the direction he knew the Shack was in thanks to his compass, Dipper mulled over the idea of his grunkle being the author of the journal. The name at the beginning had been torn out. What were the chances of some other six-fingered genius scientist coming out here to study the anomalies in the town and surrounding forest that nobody else seemed to notice or believe, zombies included?

Probably very low.

Flipping through the studies on various weird creatures and locations that had been meticulously documented on many of the filled pages, Dipper was amazed by the skill in the hand-drawn pictures, and the obvious excitement just radiating from the pages when the author got especially animated about something.

Maybe he should show this to his uncle, and say that he found it? Maybe. He would think about it when this whole zombie-dating-his-sister thing was said and done, and when he’s shown it to her.

—

Deciding he lacked the patience to attempt to rush down a ladder, Ford had jumped from the roof and swung across a few nearby trees to break his fall, landing on the ground in front of the Shack. This earned a whoop from Wendy, who followed suit.

“You’re getting cooler on me, Dr. Pines. Anyway, I can see you have something happening that has to do with zombies, and as fun as that sounds, I do not want to fight something off alone while you try to take notes- again.”

Ford huffed. “That was one- no. Three times, and I had never seen those creatures before. How can I fancy myself a scientist if I don’t attempt to gather and document previously unknown knowledge at every opportunity?!”

Wendy sighed. “Whatever. See you Monday, boss!” The teen then ran off.

Quashing his frustration at being so tragically misunderstood, Ford all but sprinted to where the picnic table was, to find the happy couple gone and Melody passed out on the porch couch, a dart sticking out of her neck.

Quickly pulling it out and putting it on the cushion beside her (to study later), Ford worriedly shook Melody, relieved to find her breathing normally, and snoring a little.

“Melody? Melody! Are you alright? Are all of your senses functional?” His friend woke groggily and glared. “What gives, man? Feels like I havn’t slept ‘n ages.” Melody’s head then flopped backwards on the couch. He checked Melody’s vitals and found them normal.

Ford cursed out of both frustration and relief. Tranquilizer dart. There was clearly a third party behind the zombie dating his niece. Tempted to study the structure of the dart in an attempt to determine who or what exactly that third party was, Ford reminded himself that his niece was gone, presumably lured or taken by the zombie. He doubted he even had the time to drag his drugged friend to her room. The most he could do was throw a blanket over her.

Why didn’t he pay attention to anything?! Only three days, and his charges were already in life-threatening situations.

Some uncle.

_Some brother you turned out to be._

But he had to fix this. Ford was about to run upstairs to begin a tracking spell using the hair from his niece’s hairbrush, when he heard a lot of yelling and pseudo-swearing, coming from the forest in a direction he could definitely pinpoint.

But he had never encountered zombies in that part of the woods...

Rushing to the golf cart, Ford wrenched the keys out of his lab coat pocket and jammed them into the ignition.

“Wait!” A voice piped up from behind him. Wendy appeared with a baseball bat and a shovel. “For the zombies, Dr. P. Knock ‘me dead- or dead-er, I suppose.”

“Thank you, Wendy. And no, you’re not getting a raise as of yet.”

The redhead rolled her eyes, equally amused and disappointed that her boss knew her so well. Ford drove the golf card towards the trees, quickly gaining speed, when another voice yelled from his right, arguably higher than Wendy’s. He stopped to listen, seeing his nephew emerge from the trees.

“Grunkle Ford! Mabel’s gone! Are you going to fight the zombies? I’ll come, too, and you don’t have enough time to stop me!” With that, the boy flung himself into the backseat, and reached into the front to grab a baseball bat before buckling in and yelling “STEP ON IT!”

Slightly surprised but willing to oblige, Ford pressed onto the gas and typed in the button combination to activate the boosters just as another bout of scared, yet angry yelling rang out from deep within the forest. “Mabel!” The boys yelled.

—

The day was so nice! Where had it all gone wrong? Mabel had been taken with Norman right from the start- even before she had met him! When that dreamy skateboard dude said she was going to love Norman, she took his word for it, and the day was a rollercoaster from there. She did love Norman- but there was something weird about it.

The time she had spent with him was a blur, all she could remember clearly were her feelings of love for him and how perfect he was.

While she was hanging out with him, Melody told them not to go anywhere, but they went anyway after she fell asleep because rebellion!

He took her on a really scenic path and then showed that he was actually a bunch of jerky gnomes, who wanted to marry her! And they kidnapped her when she turned them down! Not only did they turn out to be lying to her, they dashed her sudden hopes that Norman would be a vampire with all the ‘there’s something I gotta show you, keep an open mind’, then there was the whole stupid reveal with Jeff.

Ugh!

Hopefully her so-far rotten luck would get better as the summer went on. She wanted a full heart dangit! Or a heart that had a really wonderful boyfriend sharing the space with her family, sweaters, glue guns, stuffed animals, and unicorns.

Punching her way through the crowd of little men, she yelled for help, hoping someone would hear her.

And someone did. “Mabel!”

—

Dipper actually felt his lips pull from his teeth and his eyes involuntarily widen as he and his uncle careened through the woods, the blurred scenery gradually becoming more blue and mushroom-infested.

He was fairly certain golf carts didn’t typically go this fast.

“Mabel!” He and Ford yelled again when they saw her in the distance.

She was fighting... small people? Wearing pointy hats?

Skidding to a halt, the boys jumped out of the cart with their weapons, and glared.

“Hand over my sister!”

“Hand over my niece!”

“Guys! Norman turned out to be a bunch of gnomes! And they’re total jerks!” Mabel kicked at one gnome while another pulled her hair, making her wince.

“Hair! Hair!”

“Wow, we were way off.” muttered Dipper.

“We were indeed, my boy. But we still need to rescue Mabel!”

The girl punched another gnome in the stomach, causing him to stagger to a tree. He then leaned on it for support and puked rainbows.

“...Or aid her in fighting, I suppose.”

“Hey, hey! It’s cool! She’s not in any real danger! She’s just marrying all 1000 of us and becoming our queen for all eternity!” The only brown-haired gnome smiled placatingly.

“So your old queen died? That’s unfortunate, but I strongly implore you to find one other than my niece. Preferably one that isn’t human- or at least isn’t kidnapped.” Ford glared.

“Don’t toy with us, human. The gnomes are a powerful race! Do not trifle with the-“

Dipper rolled his eyes and batted the gnome away, propelling him into the blue-tinged, sparkling trees.

“Come on, Mabel!” The three scrambled into the golf cart and took off.

—

Hanging from the tree branch where he had landed, Jeff snarled. She was supposed to be their queen! That damn faerie had promised results. They said nobody could resist their glamour once they had at least part of their Name. The Fae and gnomes had a deal! And the humans it revolved around were messing it up!

Storming back to where the rest of the shell-shocked gnomes were, Jeff spoke.

“That’s the last time those humans underestimate us! Even that nerd who studied us doesn’t know the full scope of what we can do! Gnomes of the forest, ASSEMBLE!”

—

“Dipper, haven’t I instructed you on how to activate the boosters?”

“Yeah, Dip! We need to go faster!”

Dipper, who had ended up in the drivers’ seat with Mabel in shotgun and Ford in the back, raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t think we really need to speed up. Have you seen those little legs? Suckers are tiny.” He gave a small laugh.

“Yes,” Ford began, “but when I studied them they could stack up to reach my food! They could have-“

Before the sentence could be finished, the three heard and felt huge thuds that seemed to be getting closer. Dipper braked out of confusion and the three turned, and upon the terrifying sight, Ford finished his thought in awe.

“-evolved their ability.”

A voice could be heard from the top of the 20 foot gnome made up of smaller gnomes.

“Ok guys, just like we practiced.”

“PUNCH IT, DIPPER!” Mabel screamed.

Pressing his foot flat on the pedal, the golf cart’s tires took a few moments to gain traction as the monstrous gnome-beast continued its approach.

The three yelled as they zoomed away in the golf cart, Dipper frantically trying to remember the button combination to activate the boosters out of the many on the dash, and Ford drawing out his notebook and pen, fascination outweighing fear.

There was a yell and suddenly several gnomes flew onto the golf cart; one tried to chew through Ford’s notebook, which he refused to drop and instead grabbed the offender by the back of the shirt and flung it away.

Another fell onto Dipper’s face from the cover of the golf cart and began to scratch at him. With a cry of “I’ll save you, Dipper!” Mabel punched it until it fell off, taking Dipper’s hat with it.

“Thanks, Mabel.” He said, dazed.

“Don’t mention it.”

Another latched onto Mabel’s sweater, and got distracted by the knitted design of a sparkly cat face. Dipper grabbed it and slammed it onto the wheel, before flinging it off with a glare, not noticing the billboard ahead.

Suddenly, there was a lurch when the vehicle crashed through the sign and fell to the ground below, bouncing slightly as it continued forward. Mabel looked back.

“It’s getting closer!”

“This is somehow both amazing and tiring! Drive, Dipper!”

The cart managed to dodge a tree that was flung at them, but quickly approached another fallen one.

The passengers screamed, and Dipper wrenched the wheel sideways to avoid it, causing the cart to swerve uncontrollably as it approached the Shack, eventually tipping over. Good thing they were all wearing seatbelts. But not good that there was little structural protection on golf carts.

The three unbuckled and staggered to their feet, the twins scratched and bruised while Ford felt a sharp pain in the side of his head, along with something warm trickling down it. Gently prodding the injury, he was glad to find the cut was relatively small.

“St-stay back, man!” Dipper picked up the shovel and aimed it at the beast.

However, it was smashed to the ground.

Ford nodded at the boy’s bravery, though it might have been displaced.

It reminded him of someone...

The three backed up against the side of the Shack while the gnome-beast approached.

“There’s gotta be a way out of this...” Dipper frantically patted down his vest, as if looking for something.

“I gotta do it.” A determined voice sounded from Mabel.

Ford felt his stomach lurch. He never discovered anything about the gnomes’ weaknesses, but surely there was a better option! Before he could articulate his frantic thoughts, his nephew spoke.

“What?! Mabel, no! Are you crazy?!” Her brother turned to her, worried.

Mabel looked back at her brother seriously.

“Dipper, do you trust me?”

“What?!”

“Just this once, _trust me._ ” The sincerity in Mabel’s voice made something in Dipper’s hard, fearful expression crumble.

Ford dazedly wondered where this was going, while also realizing he should’ve had more than a can of caffeinated soda and an energy bar that day.

Dipper sighed. “I trust you.”

Ford was rather proud of the twins’ bond. He could tell that small exchange held much significance.

He was a twin himself, after all.

“Alright Jeff, I’ll marry you.” Mabel stated as she stepped forward.

“Hot dog!” Jeff the gnome climbed down the stationary gnome-beast with a smile, asking different gnomes to let him through. Upon reaching the bottom of the structure and walking up to Mabel, he held out a ring.

Mabel reached out her hand and let him put it on her finger. Jeff’s smile grew.

“Bada-bing bada-bam! Now let’s get you back into the forest, honey!”

“You may now kiss the bride!” Mabel announced, batting her eyelashes.

Ford and Dipper looked at each other, equal parts expectant, confused, and disgusted. _She had to be up to something._

“Ooh! Don’t mind if I do!” Jeff turned to her and leaned close, puckering his lips.

Mabel did the same, then subtly reached behind her and flipped the ‘ON’ switch of the leaf blower, which had been hidden under a pile of leaves. She hefted it up and aimed it at Jeff, earning a collective gasp from her audience. It sucked the gnome up.

“That’s for lying to me!” She turned up the power. “That’s for breaking my heart!”

“Ow, my face!” Jeff complained as he was almost completely sucked into the tube.

“And that’s for messing with my family!” Mabel smiled back at her two shocked relatives.

“Care to do the honors?”

With a smile, Ford and Dipper steadied the leaf blower.

“On three- one, two, THREE!” The twins abruptly reversed the power, sending Jeff shooting into the gnome-beast structure, collapsing it.

“I’ll get you for this!” Jeff yelled as he was sent hurtling into the forest for the second time that day.

The rest of the gnomes just stumbled around confused and waiting for orders, and were then blown away by Mabel. One got caught in a set of plastic rings and was carried off by Gompers.

“We did it!” Mabel and Dipper cheered.

“That wasn’t how it was supposed to go!” An upset but amused voice sounded from the trees, and a figure emerged. The twins gasped.

“Suspicious!” Dipper yelled in an accusatory tone.

“Grammar, Dipper.” Ford raised a brow.

“What? No. This guy showed up earlier and didn’t tell us his name, so I’ve just been calling him ‘Suspicious’.”

“What’s with the new look?” Mabel asked, scrutinizing the boy’s lack of a skateboard and hat.

He was instead clad in a sleeveless, coarse-looking beige gown-like thing that didn’t quite reach his knees, and boots that looked like they were made of the same material. His pupils were a little more slitted, and his hair was pure white. The odd coloring of his irises remained.

“I hate your human clothes, and only wore them to not attract odd looks. It would’ve kind of ruined my image.”

“Dipper, Mabel, who is this?” Ford glared suspiciously.

“Grunkle Ford, this was the weirdo that got Mabel interested in Norman with his weird dreaminess and speech!”

Suspicious laughed, giving the Pines a view of a mouthful of teeth that looked sharper than those of a shark. “Nothing like a little faerie glamour to earn the admiration of mortals. The fact that your sister here gave me most of her Name helped quite a bit, as well.”

Ford frowned in confusion before blanching.

“Ah- the slightly older one gets it!”

“Gets what?” Mabel turned to look up at her grunkle. Dipper did the same.

“Mabel, did you introduce yourself to him?” There was genuine worry in Ford’s tone.

“Um- yeah. It seemed polite at the time...”

“And how did he phrase wanting to know who you were?”

That cold, nervous feeling Dipper got when they had first met Suspicious returned, and now he understood why.

“He said ‘can I have your name’.” Dipper replied quietly.

Suspicious smiled widely. “And she gave most of hers to me on a silver platter! Mabel Pines!” He pronounced it perfectly.

“That was part of the deal, you see,” the being continued. “I get the Name of this dear girl, get her to fall in love with the gnomes’ disguise, they take her as their queen, and no longer bother the Fae. I fulfilled my end of the bargain, the gnomes’ failure is their own. And I got the little added bonus of the dear, sweet Name of Mabel.

“I do apologize for my approach in dealing with the question mark girl,” The being adds. “but she was an unforeseen obstacle that prevented the gnomes from getting Mabel alone and therefore needed to be dealt with on my side of the deal. She is in no danger, and consider the dart a gift for you, I’ve seen your enjoyment of the gain of knowledge. I respect that.”

“I formally thank you for the gift,” Ford replied. “and am relieved about the wellbeing of my friend. However, could I convince you to relinquish her Name?” He tried. There was no way he was allowing some faerie to run loose with his niece’s Name if he could do something about it.

He really needed to pay more attention to the kids.

He should’ve warned them. _Why didn’t he mention the dangers of giving out your Name?_

“As if! Unless you can get the gnomes off our back! They’ve been bothering us Fae ever since their stupid queen died! Or-“

His eyes lit up.

“Or, you could give over some of that lovely blood I can see dripping down from your head.”

The twins looked over in concern, not having noticed their uncle was bleeding.

“No chance. I know what can be done with human blood, and I know it’s more harm than good!”

“Well then it’s back to offer one! Get the gnomes to quit bothering us! Any ideas, or shall I keep the girl’s Name as collateral until a mutual agreement is reached?” The faerie crossed his arms and leaned against a tree.

Mabel smiled. “O wise and noble faerie, accept this offering!” She grabbed the leaf blower and held it out.

“You saw us defeat the gnomes with it! You saw how scared they were!”

Dipper, seeing where this was going, chimed in. “You probably didn’t expect us to hand a weapon of this value over, that’s the only reason I can think of for you not asking for it. It only works on gnomes, but gnomes are clearly your main problem.”

Startled by his niblings’ sudden smoothness, Ford managed to continue the offering. “You are aware I’ve studied the creatures that inhabit these woods, gnomes included, and this is their only weakness I’ve found. We offer it to you, as both a bartering item, and a peace offering. May we quarrel no more.”

The faerie stepped forward and took the lead blower in his hands, amazed. He had, in fact, been watching the twins from the trees ever since he introduced ‘Norman’. As much as he loathed to admit it, they were impressive.

As much as he could probably afford to wait for a non man-made option to make itself apparent, since the fifteen years the older mortal had been studying was less than an eyeblink to the faerie, the rest of the Fae that lived here really, _really_ hated the gnomes, and didn’t kill them solely for their contribution to the woods’ economy.

Decision made, he looked up. “I solemnly swear upon the graves of my people to not use the Name of Mabel Pines.”

The group collectively smiled at their victory.

“In fact, if this object is as powerful as when you demonstrated it, I owe you in return, and hope we can make further deals in the future. I’m Aisling.”

Dipper was amused. “Ashley?”

“No, _Aisling_. I am telling you my Name, not giving it to you. Use it to address me only.”

The twins nodded, while their uncle frowned. Through the haze of his slightly muddled consciousness, he drew a connection somewhere.

The vow was made upon the graves of some of the Fae. Aisling’s people.

_So Aisling wasn’t from the Gravity Falls forest._

_Aisling’s people were killed._

_His name was Irish._

“Are you Irish, perchance? How old are you?”

Aisling’s expression became hard, and he stepped into the woods, then ran off at an inhuman speed while still cradling the leaf blower.

“Well that was weird.” Dipper stated.

“We did it! And made a faerie friend!” Mabel exclaimed.

“I would say less of a friend, Mabel, and more of an ally. Or perhaps an anti-enemy.”

“Still! And Dipper, I’m sorry I ignored you this morning. Guys, I’m sorry I gave that faerie dude my Name.” Mabel looked down and gripped her sweater sleeves.

“Oh Mabel, you didn’t know.” Ford knelt in front of her, and wished putting a hand on her shoulder wouldn’t make him as severely uncomfortable as he knew it would.

He settled for a reassuring smile, instead.

“You made a mistake, we all do.”

“Yeah, and you totally saved our butts back there. Twice!” Dipper exclaimed.

Ford stood up, automatically placing his hands behind his back, and moved to the side to allow his nephew to approach Mabel.

“I guess I’m just sad my first boyfriend turned out to be a bunch of gnomes whose human disguise I was hypnotized into loving.”

“Look on the bright side,” Dipper smiled. “Maybe the next one will be a vampire.”

“Absolutely not.”

The twins chuckled at the grave tone their uncle spoke in.

“Awkward sibling hug?” Dipper offered, opening his arms.

“Awkward sibling hug.” Mabel accepted, and the twins wrapped their arms around each other.

“Pat, pat.”

Mabel turned to face her uncle with a shy smile. “Grunkle Ford, I would offer you an awkward family hug, but I understood your nerdy way of saying to not touch you yesterday.”

When Mabel had tried to tackle him the previous day, he had freaked out before stumbling through words for ten minutes, eventually managing to state “I would much prefer we make limited direct physical contact- or none at all.” He then apologized for the ensuing five minutes.

“Actually,” Ford scratched the back of his head. “With my family, instead of hugs, sometimes we would do this.” Ford then knelt down and grabbed her hand, lacing her five fingers between his six. “I always did this wi-“ he cut himself off. “because hands would fit better together if one had more fingers.”

“Oh my gosh Grunkle Ford, you’re right!” Mabel beamed and flexed her fingers.

He never entirely figured out why, but he found this far more bearable than handshakes. Probably because it was done with someone you loved and trusted, and not as some stupid first impression with a complete stranger.

The memory of shaking his niece’s hand upon their first meeting wasn’t very unpleasant anymore.

“We’ll call it... awkward family hand-holding!”

“Definitely not, Mabel.” Dipper piped up, then reached out to grab his uncle’s other hand.

Ford grinned.

After breaking it up, the tired trio walked up to the porch, and Ford noticed that Melody was gone, and left a semi-legible note about going to her room. Relieved, Ford walked through the gift shop entrance, followed by Dipper and Mabel.

“Children, you were fantastic today. I’m sorry I didn’t warn you about your Names, or monsters in disguise, or the Fae, or-“

“Everybody makes mistakes, Grunkle Ford!” Mabel interrupted with a forgiving smile, using his own logic against him.

“Well played, Mabel. We should commemorate this.”

_And you need a reminder of this day, when you messed up so bad you nearly got your own family killed, again, so soon after their arriving here._

“Pick an item from the gift shop, no charge.”

The twins grinned up at him and wandered off. What did he do to deserve them?

Dipper chose a hat to replace the one he had lost, with a blue pine tree on the front. It looked very familiar.

Before he could mull over his nephew’s choice in accessory further, his niece excitedly yelled “And I will have a grappling hook!”

Ford turned to face his niece, who had drawn a grappling hook from his box of tools and non lethal weapons he thought he had placed in a more secure area than the bottom of a dusty shelf in a corner of his gift shop.

“Wouldn’t you rather have something- safer?” Ford attempted, but his niece seemed fairly set in her desire.

She showed this by shooting it at a ceiling beam and pulling herself up, with an exclamation of “GRAPPLING HOOK!”

“Fair enough. Be safe with it. If I see any serious injury, it’s gone.”

Mabel narrowed her eyes from where she was still hanging. “Define ‘serious’.”

Ford scowled. “Anything that will make me consider a hospital visit.”

“Are head cuts included in that?” His niece asked.

“What? Oh- it depends on the severity, the cause, what you had to eat that day, the length of time between your receiving of the injury and the availability of treatment… the geographical location also has a surprisingly large influence on-”

“Grunkle Ford,” Dipper interrupted. “I think the way Mabel was going with this was that you’ve been bleeding from your head for some minutes now. Let’s review how to treat field injuries later.”

His uncle blinked. “Ah, yes, I had forgotten during all the action. Fret not, my injury is not serious, head injuries tend to bleed in a way that is rather disproportionate to the severity of the injury. You remember where the medical kit is, yes?”

“On it, Grunkle Ford.” Dipper ran off.

The man turned to his niece. “Mabel, do you need help getting down?”

“Of course not!”


	2. Tourist Trapped epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper and Mabel discuss the Journal while Ford ruminates on his project.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, it's been a little while. My apologies. Anyway, here is the final bit of Tourist Trapped- I'm including parts of the real-life Journal 3 that weren't mentioned in the show (but you don't have to have it to understand this fanfic), because there's no way the Mystery Twins wouldn't notice some things, and my story isn't rated TVY7 in the eyes of the public (but if you're 7 and reading this... enjoy). This might be minutely edited in the future. 
> 
> I'm not creative enough to come up with the wonderful series of Gravity Falls or its characters, nor am I creative enough to come up with my own chapter titles. The man, the myth, the legend, the flannel king Alex Hirsch, however, is.

After Ford sent Dipper and Mabel to bed, and they were excitedly speaking about the day by the light of their bedside lantern, Dipper realized he had somehow forgotten to bring up the Journal.

“Mabel! I can’t believe I forgot to tell you! Melody sent me into the forest to hang up signs advertising the Shack, I found something incredible!” The boy jumped off his bed and grabbed his vest off the floor.

“A treasure map! A centaur! A centaur guarding a treasure map!” Mabel gave her rapid-fire guesses excitedly, bolting up from her bed.

“Even better: a record of a bunch of the creatures that live here!” He pulled Journal 3 out of the inside pocket of his vest, hands shaking out of excitement.

“And get this- I think _our uncle_ wrote this years ago! Look at the cover!” The boy said as he eagerly all but shoved the book at his sister.

“Woah…” Mabel opened it. “Wait- are you going to show this to him?” She asked, flipping through it as apprehension became apparent on her face.

“Well I wanted to, yeah, but I figured I should show it to you first. I mean, there has to be a reason it was hidden, and I wanted your input.”

“Aw, thanks bro-bro. It’s a good thing you came to me, too. I… Don’t think we should show him you found it.” Mabel frowned.

“But it would be so awesome to go over his old research with him-”

“Dipper! You’re the one who said it was hidden for a reason! Do you really think-” Mabel flipped to a page in the book and turned it so her brother could see it. “He’ll want to see this again? Do you really think he’ll be _glad_ you found this? That we looked at it?”

Dipper froze and stared in horror at a page he had apparently missed during his initial look at the journal. It was completely black with frantic scribbles, blank spots were in the shape of eyes. ‘MY MUSE WAS A MONSTER’ was scrawled in bold, red letters, and stuff that could have been ink or blood was splattered across the page. Weird symbols were hastily written in a way that suggested they meant something, and there were more ramblings about being a puppet.

Yeah.

Maybe it was hidden for a reason.

“Holy crap… maybe it’s someone else’s?” Dipper tried. He desperately wanted to talk to his uncle about all the cool stuff in there, and maybe look for some of it. At the same time, he found it difficult to believe their kind, excitable, brilliant, showman uncle was once in such a state. Then he remembered Ford’s hatred of the one-dollar bill, his hatred of triangular prisms, the complete lack of drawn or sculpted eyes in a gift shop that promoted mysterious things, his dislike-bordering-on-fear of birch trees.

This was how he had been years ago?

“Oh my gosh. Mabel, you’re right! But why was the book only half-filled in? It could’ve been stolen, maybe, but I guess Ford wouldn’t really mind. But I want to keep it, and maybe write in some recordings of my own! That way, if Ford does find it, he’ll probably be really proud!” Dipper beamed at the prospect.

Mabel huffed. Her brother had a point in keeping it. Chances were pretty good that stuff their Grunkle didn’t tell them they could probably be found in the book. She hoped he wouldn't find out they had it, she didn't want her summer to end before it's even begun. 

“Who do you think his ‘muse’ was?” Mabel asked.

“Probably someone… or something… we don’t want to get involved with.” Dipper shuddered, then grabbed a less-chewed pen off the nightstand and began his first entry, Mabel adding in her bits to make sure more of the story was captured.

Giggling and excited whispers could be heard until the early morning, when a grappling hook shattered the lantern keeping the room alight before continuing through the window.

\--

Sitting at the desk in his basement lab, Ford rapidly tapped his foot and absentmindedly tugged at his hair despite the brief flares of mild agony that occurred whenever one of his hands strayed too close to his bandaged cut.

The portal sat on the other side of the bulletproof glass window, looming over him, taunting him about his numerous mistakes. Past and present.

‘3RD JOURNAL NEEDED?’ was written in blocky letters on the open-faced notebook in front of him. He loathed those 3 words, but was coming closer to accepting their truth. As much as his knowledge and the advancement of technology has aided him over the years, the remaining third of the MK 1 portal blueprints were becoming a necessity. Sure he had managed to begin modifying it to target his brother instead of that place, but he needed complete knowledge of its original layout, and wouldn’t be surprised if he had forgotten some things.

 _More_ things.

On that thought, Ford reached under his desk and drew out the pages and pages of equations and schematics in handwriting that wasn’t his. It wasn’t Bill’s, either. The numbers and symbols were small and ordered, and Ford knew he had never gone through a phase of quintuple checking his equations. Who does that?!

But the papers were there; weeks, possibly months worth of work he didn’t know the origin of greatly aiding him in his current endeavor. Who did it belong to? Ford frustratedly clawed through a blank space in his memory he wasn’t even aware of if he didn’t think hard enough, reach far enough.

His initial discovery of them had happened around 12 years ago, not very long after freeing himself of Bill by banishing him- not from the dimension, but from Gravity Falls. They were in the oddest place: stuffed underneath his bed in a box marked ‘NEVER’. He took them out and was so shocked and overrun with half-memories and crushing, yet baseless guilt he blacked out and ended up blinking his way back to the world 5 hours later with a ruined pen in his mouth, ink all over his hands and face, and those papers full of mysterious equations bordered by his own frantic annotations and apologies. Ever since then, every time he thought of them he got frustrated. Who else knew of his project, besides Bill and Stan? Although Stan had no idea what he was looking at until it was too late…

_**Half out of his mind with madness and fear, struggling to take his precious Journal from Stanley, who was trying to** _ **burn** _**it, not noticing the activation of his greatest project, not noticing the burning protection ward and branding Stanley’s shoulder. Checking to see if he was alright, then getting punched in the face. Backing into the portal room and beginning to panic more when Stan angrily says THAT IS** _ **IT,** _**SIXER and he blinks and suddenly his hands are shoving Stanley into the portal’s gaping maw-** _

Ford grit his teeth and began madly typing on his computer, a repetitive, robotic action that allowed him to to take a breath and look inwards- that deep, background thrumming was still there. Stan was still alive. Ford had no way to tell whether or not he was ok, but he was alive, and that was all the incentive the genius needed to desperately continue with his project.

_Wait for me, Stanley. I’m coming. I promise, I promise, I promise._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, what did Ford forget? Or who? 
> 
> Thanks for reading. Comment! Critique! I want to improve! And thank you guys for the kudos and comments, they never go unnoticed! Legend of the Gobblewonker is in the works, I hope to have it out by the end of next week.


	3. Legend of the Gobblewonker pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ford and the kids head over to Gravity Falls' Lake for yet another bonding activity... right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya, I've returned! My mental health is still iffy, but I've found inspiration again- or reconnected with my Muse, you could say >:) This chapter is split in 2 because I wanted to post something for you guys, and it would've been l o n g if I posted the entire thing once it was finished.
> 
> Also, my sensory processing issues have really been acting up this past holiday season, going out has been sensory HELL what with all the celebration and decorations, so staying inside led me to writing again :D . Thank you for understanding when I had to take a break, it really meant a lot <3
> 
> Take this as a gift, happy Winter Holidays!

“Are you ready for the ultimate challenge?” A girl’s voice asked.

“I’m always ready!” Another voice replied.

“Then you know what this means…”

“Syrup race!” The yell of the 3 Pines could be heard from the Mystery Shack parking lot, empty and bathed in a purplish hue by the sunrise, emanating from the open window of the kitchen.

Ford started his stopwatches and smiled excitedly as his two charges for the summer each held a different brand of syrup upside-down over their open mouths. He had found himself wondering on-and-off about the consistencies of different brands of syrup over the years, but never actually got to testing them. Now here the twins were, eager to do a syrup race, and who was he to say no? 

“Go, Sir Syrup!” Mabel chanted, her speech somewhat changed due to her open mouth and extended tongue.

“Go, Mountie Man!” Dipper exclaimed, his voice also a bit garbled.

“Go! Go! Go!” All 3 chanted as the syrup slowly made its way down through the air from the opening of the bottle to the twins’ open mouths. 

Mountie Man was the winner.

“Aw, nuts!” Mabel laughed as Dipper cried out in triumph before choking on his sugary victory.

“Mountie Man wins, taking 3.02 seconds to reach Dipper’s tongue, while Sir Syrup took 3.97 to reach Mabel’s, losing by 0.94 seconds! While these are not definite results, since we have no way of knowing if they were of equal height from your mouths or how steady your hands were, this is still very interesting!” Their uncle reached into his oversized red turtleneck and drew out a notebook and pen from one of the many pockets he had sewn on the inside. He then scrawled the results onto a fresh page, to be added to his blue journal later

“And delicious!” Dipper added after finally managing to wash the syrup down with orange juice.

“Grunkle Ford, you are such a nerd! Only you could make decimals part of a syrup race!” Mabel said, before reaching up and clasping her hand in Ford’s, making sure to do so with plenty of warning so he could avoid it if he didn’t feel comfortable. She was happy that he didn’t.

“Truly one of a kind.” Mabel beamed, and Ford smiled back.

“Thank you, my dear.”

Ford then let go of Mabel’s hand and went over to the fridge to inspect some of the blood samples of various creatures he stored there, in a drawer apart from the food. He drew out a test tube of Gremloblin blood just recently acquired and was about to take it to his potion lab so he could test its reaction to different compounds, when he remembered his reason for showing up in the kitchen.

“Children, the Shack is going to be closed today- I’ve decided to have another bonding occasion with you two. In all honesty, today was around when I was planning on taking you to the woods, which we have already done, but I’ve come up with something else that is just as enjoyable.” Replacing the test tube, Ford turned to the twins with an eager grin and unconsciously hidden hands.

“Really?! Yes!” Both twins shouted in unified delight.

“Go get dressed, we leave in 30 minutes!”

\--

In the bright red El Diablo, Dipper opened the newspaper he had brought along to pass the car time. Ford had told the twins he would rather not have a conversation while driving, it was too distracting. Dipper could understand that- what the woods lacked in traffic it made up for in weird road signs, bumpy unpaved paths, and hundreds of both mortal and mythical animal species, all of which could scamper across the road at any time. He flipped to a random page and gasped excitedly at the one he landed on.

“Woah, no way! Hey Mabel, check this out!” Dipper turned the open page towards his sister, who looked at it and smiled excitedly.

“Human-sized hamster balls? I’m human-sized!”

“No no, Mabel,” Dipper shook his head and pointed to the adjoining page. “This.” The page had a picture taken of a smiling, buck-toothed farmer with a camera strapped around his neck, and next to it was another photo of a smiling, horned, sharp-toothed furry creature. The top of the page had ‘MONSTER PHOTO CONTEST’ written in large, bold lettering, with ‘WIN $1000’ in smaller text below it. The farmer had been the previous month’s winner.

“We see weirder stuff than that every day!” Dipper stated. “We didn’t get any photos of those gnomes, did we?”

“Nope, just memories! And this beard hair!” Mabel bounced a little and pulled a lock of gnome beard hair out of her sweater.

Dipper recoiled. “Why… did you keep that?”

Mable shrugged.

“Well, keep on the lookout. Let’s see if we can buy some disposable cameras wherever we’re going, I know Ford won’t let us even touch his expensive one. Maybe we’ll find something cool on this trip!” Dipper said eagerly. The twins fist-bumped in a silent agreement to do whatever they could in order to get an awesome picture.

\--

When the siblings felt the car slow as Ford reached their destination, two sets of big eyes looked out of a window eagerly.

“What are we doing at the lake, Uncle Ford?” Dipper asked with sparks of curiosity shining in his eager eyes as Mabel continued to look around, pressing her face to the window as if she were searching for something.

“Are we going to meet sirens? Or sea monsters? Do you have a potion for breathing underwater? Wait- no, you didn’t have us bring swimming suits. How about-” Mabel’s rapid-fire guesses were interrupted by her uncle clearing his throat.

“I’d rather not encounter any of the more hostile denizens of Gravity Falls’ waters, and creating a water breathing potion requires skill beyond my caliber- it is incredibly difficult to change human biology, even by magical means. We’re here to do some documentation!” Ford hopped out of the driver’s seat and hurried to the trunk.

Both twins looked at each other and raised a brow, then looked back at their uncle, unable to completely disguise the equal looks of disappointed surprise on their faces. That couldn’t be it, could it?

Mabel hopped out of the car, still on the lookout for some special awesome magic thingy that she knew her Grunkle was actually there for. She was closely followed by Dipper, who seemed to be doing the same. Almost the entire population of Gravity Falls was out on the lake, which made it difficult to both look for anything and to imagine Ford coming here to find some creature.

“Now, children,” Ford said, coming around the car to stand next to them with a large bag on his back. “I know it may seem like any accurate documentation of anything that may live in the lake would be nigh-impossible what with the amount of variables- I mean people- here, but there is a hidden section I’ve been meaning to further explore, so don’t worry.”

“Ooh, creepy lake cave!”

“I assure you Mabel, there is hardly anything ‘creepy’ about it, so fret not.”

The twins frowned.

“So Uncle Ford, what exactly are we… documenting?” Dipper couldn’t keep the vague dismay out of his voice. Ford didn’t notice.

“Oh, we’ll simply be examining the life and rock formations at the bottom of the lake, along with any microorganisms that live on the surface, and of course life within the waters. I do this every year once a year, but check every six months each three years, and I figured instead of leaving you guys at the Shack or skipping this routine I’ve kept for over a decade, I could take you with me!”

Dipper and Mabel just stared, confused.

“I admit, hearing that out loud myself I understand it was quite difficult to comprehend, but rest assured, I… genuinely appreciate spending time with you kids.”

Ford looked out over the bizarre townspeople on the water, the twins naturally following his gaze. Toby Determined was taking a picture of a proud fisher who had caught a fish the size of his torso. Lazy Susan was trying to coax fish into her pan. Manly Dan was beating a fish as an affectionate demonstration for his four sons, screaming about how that was the way a “real man” fished.

“They’re all enjoying their lake day in their own unique ways, so I figured I could enjoy mine with you… and only hope you like it as well.”

“Aw, Grunkle Ford…” Mabel placed a hand on her chest, moved by her nerdy awkward uncle’s uncharacteristically emotional way with words.

“I SEEN IT! I SEEN IT AGAIN!” The three Pines literally jumped out of shock due to the sudden interruption of the heart-to-heart, whirling to face the source of the heavily-accented screeching.

A hunched man in oversized, dirty brown overalls and large scarecrow hat frantically ran around the shore of the lake, shoving people away and slapping a 2-foot-long sandwich out of some poor man’s grip. His long, blond-streaked white beard sported a band-aid and his right forearm was bandaged up to his hand.

The twins didn’t notice their uncle go pale as his hands started shaking, nor did they notice his eyes frantically dart around as a single drop of sweat trickled down the side of his face.

Instead, they curiously observed the strange event of an old-ish man yelling ominous claims as he began a frenzied dance.

“Aw, he’s doing the happy jig!” Mabel smiled.

“NO!” The man cried, taking her shoulders in a vice grip. “It’s a jig of grave danger!”

Ford snapped out of his daze to quickly pull Mabel back with Dipper- he didn’t see the man, McGucket was his name, as particularly dangerous, but Ford wasn’t a fan of strangers grabbing his niece.

An employee of the nearby tackle shop who looked around 18 with a thick mop of black bangs under a ballcap came storming out of the building, spraying McGucket with water.

“Hey! Quit scaring my customers, I’ve told you this before! This is your last warning, dad!”

Ford flinched at this. McGucket was… Tate’s _dad_ ? What was Tate’s last name? Upon this revelation, brief flashes of toddler pictures clouded Ford’s vision whenever he looked at the late teen, giving him a headache. Why, _why_ did that broken family make him panic so?

His racing thoughts were interrupted by McGucket’s desperate response. “But I have proof this time, by gummity!”

“What is he even talking about?” Dipper asked as she followed the crowd who was following McGucket to wherever this ‘proof’ was.

“I guess we’ll see bro-bro!”

The group was led to an obliterated rowboat that really shouldn’t have been floating, or holding together at all. McGucket pointed to it excitedly.

“BEHOLD! It's the Gobble-dy-wonker what done did it! It had a long neck like a gee-raffe! And shifty eyes... like this gentleman right here!” The man transferred his pointing finger to Ford, who only half-heard as he was trying to figure out why the McGuckets were so familiar, but was brought back at the sight of a digit aimed at him.

“So- sorry?” Ford grew frustrated at his sudden stutter due to his distress as McGucket continued.

“It chewed my boat up to smitheroons, and shim-shammied over to Scuttlebutt Island! YOU GOTTA BELIEVE ME!”

“Attention all units!” The voice of Sheriff Blubs, only slightly more competent than his accompanying deputy Durland, suddenly spoke up from a megaphone. “We’ve got ourselves a crazy old man.”

The surrounding crowd laughed as Dipper and Mabel looked at each other and Ford gave a small, empathetic whine. Unpleasant memories welled up in his head of staggering through town, manic and delusional as he searched for _someone_ , laughed at or avoided while the town’s ‘mad forest scientist’ assumption about him was completely cemented. 

And yet that was inexplicably forgotten the next time he stumbled into town for groceries. Odd.

Tate shook his head in shame as McGucket walked off, head hung and excitement forgotten, muttering Southern quasi-swears.

“That... that was...” Ford stared off in bewilderment and lingering memories.

“Grunkle Ford, are you ok?” Mabel gently took his hand, glad to find he didn’t immediately recoil. 

“Yeah,” Dipper added. I didn’t take you for one to get scared at the mention of monsters.”

“I’m- I’m fine, children.”

Ford squeezing her hand a bit tighter didn’t escape Mabel’s notice.

“Well maybe you’ll like this,” Dipper continued eagerly. “Did you hear what that guy said?”

“Aww, donkey shpittle!” Mabel responded in an exaggerated accent before blowing a raspberry and swinging the fist that wasn’t still clutching Ford’s hand.

“No no, the other thing. Uncle Ford, you heard right? He mentioned a monster! There’s a monster photo contest going on in the Gravity Falls magazine. If we can snag a photo of it, we can split it 33-33-33!”

Mabel gasped. “That’s three 33’s!”

“We’d all get three. Hundred.Thirty-three Dollars!”

Ford smiled at the 12-year-olds’ excitement over having what to them would be a substantial amount of money. Meanwhile, the twins were envisioning their improved lives were they to succeed in their latest endeavor.

“Dipper, I am one million percent on board with this!” Mabel exclaimed as she and her brother came back down to Earth.

“Yes! And Uncle Ford, you’re excited for this monster hunt too, right? Epic monster action now, documentation later?” Dipper asked.

Ford grit his teeth. This was... unexpected. As fun as the idea of going after an elusive lake monster about which he had only heard snatches of stories sounded, he _really_ didn’t want to do something like this with the kids and without proper preparation and _on water_ . And his studies of the lake took hours, so even if he did go on this ‘monster hunt’ he wouldn’t have time to study the lake in as much detail as he always has, violating the procedure he’s had for _years and years_ , and the very thought of doing that made his head swim. He felt Mabel squeeze his hand and pulled himself out of whatever he descended into, then looked down at her interested face with what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

The abrupt sound of a boat horn caused the trio to whip their heads to beyond the pier, where a medium-sized boat could be seen making its way over to them, a familiar person with a head of curly golden hair smiling at them from afar.

“Melody!” The twins exclaimed.

The boat pulled up next to them as Melody called out “What’s up dudes? I noticed you out on the pier looking to have a strong sense of purpose.”

“Yeah! We’re gonna do a monster hunt!” Dipper all but bounced towards the boat, Mabel following close behind as she tugged Ford along.

“Sweet, guys! Hey, you can totally use my boat! I’ve got a GPS, cool chairs with coolers underneath, books below deck, the works.”

As they spoke of the hunt as if it were definitive, Ford began frantically shaking his head.

“No- no. I... I apologize Melody, but we already had something planned.”

“Oh yeah, your once-a-year-but-twice-every-three-years lake life recording thing! You were going to take the kids along? That’s so cute.”

“He is adorable Melody, BUT Dipper and I are gonna go on a monster hunt instead and want him to come along!” Mabel piped up.

“No can do, kiddo, there’s no chance of Ford skipping his scheduled studies.” Melody replied.

“ _Thank you._ ” Ford huffed.

“If they really want to do their thing, maybe I could take them off your hands,” Melody said to Ford. “Let you do your thing? Call when you’re done, you could join us.”

The twins looked up at their uncle, their excitement shadowed by concern.

“You really don’t wanna come, Grunkle Ford?” Mabel asked.

Ford pulled his hand out of hers to rub the back of his neck, severely uncomfortable yet unable to explain his view of this situation.

“Well, if this is really important to you kids... I might take up Melody’s offer and join you later. You’re sure you don’t want to come with me?” Ford weakly gestured to the motorboat he had moored. The twins hesitantly nodded their heads before climbing onto Melody’s boat. Ford managed a smile as he bade them farewell. He was saddened by them not joining him, but did hope they had fun, and he had complete trust in Melody to keep them safe and to call him were something to go wrong- plus, her being pretty handy with the weapons he knew she secretly kept in her boat helped.

The man blinked a couple times as he walked to his boat. _Complete trust..._ huh. It felt... kind of nice, for the constant stream of worries and anxieties to simmer in the back of his mind rather than the forefront where they usually resided when he let the kids go off alone.

Maybe... maybe trust wasn’t so overrated after all.

With a small sigh, Ford climbed into his boat, took off his bag, started the engine, and rode out onto the lake all while trying to ignore the two small life jackets resting on the bottom of the boat.

\--

“Hoist the flag!” Dipper yelled excitedly as he tried to shake off lingering guilt for leaving the kindred spirit that was his uncle. _He was probably happy to do his research in peace_.

Melody, unaware of his thoughts, chuckled and hoisted a piece of cloth that had a pair of sunglasses drawn onto it.

“Raise the anchor!” Mabel commanded.

“Kiddo, the anchor’s already been raised, how else would we be moving?” Melody said, raising an eyebrow.

“I was just testing you!”

“Hey, let’s put on some sunscreen guys. And by ‘let’s’ I mean ‘you’.” Melody smiled.

“We’re going to win that photo contest,” Dipper tried to sound determined and serious as Melody rubbed sunscreen on his nose. “and we’re going to do it right!”

“Right!” Mabel responded, about to put sunscreen on her tongue before Melody snatched her hand away.

“Think,” Dipper continued. “What’s the number 1 problem with monster hunts?”

“Uhhh, side character always dies, making everyone panicky and irrational?” Melody asked, replacing the sunscreen in a drawer in the wheelhouse. “Ever wonder if you’re a side character?”

“No no,” Dipper said, not even thinking to consider the implications of Melody’s somewhat existential question. “Camera trouble! Melody, since you’re the tallest of us, act like Bigfoot and I’ll show you guys what I mean.”

Melody struck a pose and Mabel giggled before looking back at her twin’s demonstration.

“There he is! Bigfoot!” Dipper adopted a higher voice as he acted, and began patting down his life jacket. “Uh-oh, no camera! Oh wait- here’s one! Aw, no film!

“See what I’m doing here?” He asked in his normal voice, gesturing.

The girls nodded, Mabel placing a hand on her chin.

“That’s why I bought _17_ disposable cameras! 2 on my ankle, 3 in my jacket, 4 for each of you, 3 extras in this bag, and 1... under my hat!” The boy intently revealed each camera. “There’s no way we’re gonna miss this. Okay everybody, let’s test our cameras out!”

Melody looked at the lens of one of her cameras from the front, and was caught off-guard from it flashing as she accidentally took a picture. Crying out, she instinctively chucked it overboard, before wincing and grabbing a long net off the deck floor and scooping it back on the boat. She knew the machinations couldn’t be saved, but she didn’t want to litter, either.

“See, this is exactly why you need backup cameras! We still have 16!” Dipper exclaimed.

A seagull flew right over Mabel’s head, prompting her to shout “Ah! Bird!” as she chucked one of her cameras at it, missing and shattering the device against the side of the boat.

“15!” Dipper seemed a bit nervous now. “Okay guys, I repeat, don’t lose your cameras!”

“Lose the cameras?” Melody tried.

“DON’T!” Dipper squawked.

“Bad news then, I hid 2 of mine under a floorboard but forgot which board they’re under.”

“How even- ok, 13! Alright, we still have 13-” Dipper pounded his fist on a table in irritation, unaware of the innocent camera until it was crushed under his unforgiving fist. “12! We have 12 cameras!” His eye twitched, making Melody giggle.

“So what’s the plan?” Mabel asked, delighted at Dipper’s rather comical irritation. “Break more cameras or what?”

“NO! No. Alright alright, Mabel’s lookout, Melody’s the steer- um, -er, and I’m captain!”

“Hey, why can’t I be captain? Captain Mabel!” his sister huffed before beginning to chant “Ma-bel! Ma-bel! Ma-bel!”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“What about co-captain?”

“Mabel, that doesn’t exist.”

“Uh-” Mabel broke yet another camera. “Whoops.”

“Ok fine! You can be co-captain.”

“Mabel, honey,” Melody said in a light yet scolding tone. “Don’t blackmail your brother.”

\--

Ford looked out at Melody’s boat over the water. Despite reminding himself this was for the best if the kids really were going to be bored by him, something in his brain made an unpleasant pain register from his chest and stomach. Admittedly, Ford was crestfallen by the kids’ sudden turn.

_But of course they would be bored by you! When has anybody ever been actually_ interested _in what you had to say, with no ulterior motive?_ **_Huh?_ **

Ford winced and grabbed at his hair. ‘ _You’re not here, you’re not here..._ ’

**_Or am I?_ **

“You’re not!” Ford found himself shouting at nothing. He had shouted at nothing, nothing at all.

Except for the apprehensive family he hadn’t noticed only about 10 feet away. He laughed nervously and started his boat’s engine, hurrying off in a random direction, _any_ direction away from the people who probably thought he was crazy. Ford made sure he remained yet within eyesight of Scuttlebutt Island, where he knew the kids and Melody were going.

Once Ford found a fairly empty section of the lake where he could calm down and begin his analyses, he pulled a thermometer from his bag and stuck it in the water, just 3 inches below the surface, as he always had. He then noted down ‘ _Surface temperature 55°F, or 286°K; no visible surface algae in_ ’ Ford looked around. ‘ _Quadrant 4, Subsection B._ ’ The scientist’s satisfaction was rudely interrupted by an annoyingly emotional voice sounding from the one other boat within a 100 foot radius of Ford’s. 

“Now that we’re alone, Rosanna, there’s a burning question which my heart longs to ask you.”

“Oh, Reginald!” A woman’s equally emotional voice spoke up.

An irritated Ford turned his boat and motored over to the couple, having decided to dump an unfortunate truth on them so he could finally be alone, since that was his apparent fate and he also really didn’t want some melodramatic strangers distracting him from his process.

“Hey!” He said, having gotten close enough to where he didn’t have to yell. The couple turned.

“Would you like to hear a joke? Well here it is: magical true love! Ha!” He slapped his knee in mock humor before continuing. “What you’re feeling right now? It’s just chemicals, hormones that compel animals to breed! You may think you’re happy now, but I give you 2 years before you have more arguments than hours in a day.” While Ford completely believed that love was just chemicals, he wasn’t too sure about that last part. Really, he was just trying to be harsh. 

  
The girl who’s name Ford didn’t bother to remember burst into tears as her boyfriend angrily rowed away, bringing a bitter smile to Ford’s face. _Finally._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm,, soft,, for Mabel holding Ford's hand, can you blame me? And poor Ford. Don't worry though, he'll get the comfort he deserves. As always, comment! Critique! Advise! Ask questions! See you in part 2!
> 
> Will this be edited? Yes. Will this be edited majorly? No. Will my writing inevitably change over time? Obviously.


	4. Legend of the Gobblewonker pt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And, we're back with part 2! 
> 
> On another note, I'm SO excited for this garbage fire of a year to be over. Sheesh.

The trio of the twins and Melody felt the cool, ominous air strip them of the jovial spirit they had started their quest with as they approached Scuttlebutt Island. Something about the rather abrupt cloud of thick fog that had rolled onto them combined with the complete lack of noise save for the lapping of small waves on the gradually approaching shore made Ford’s activity suddenly seem a lot more inviting.

But fearless adventurers scoffed in the face of... fear! So Dipper set his mouth in a grim line and determinedly stared forward at the rocky beach.

“Hey,” Mabel unwittingly interrupted Dipper’s pensive state, making him roll his eyes. Apparently, his sister didn’t see their mission in the same sombre colors as he did, if her holding the beak of a pelican with a lighthearted look on her face was anything to go by.

“How’s it going?” She continued.

“It's going awesome! Bow bow, buh bow bow!” Mabel replied to herself in a deepened voice, moving the pelican’s beak in approximate unison with her speech before laughing.

“Mabel, leave that thing alone.” Dipper said.

“Look, I know you have the survival instincts equivalent to those of Ford when promised a monster chase,” Melody chimed in. “But aren’t kids today constantly told  _ not _ to touch filthy birds? They carry diseases, hon.”

“Aw, neither of us mind none!” Mabel replied as the pelican, before continuing as herself. “My mom says strong immune systems are important. Hey, look, I’m drinking water!” She grabbed a glass and brought it up to her mouth, attempting to gargle-sing as the pelican before choking and letting go of the beak, causing the bird to fly off.

“Aren’t you supposed to be doing lookout?” Dipper asked.

“Look out!” Mabel yelled playfully, chucking a volleyball at her brother only to have it impressively intercepted by an irked Melody.

“But seriously, I’m-” the boat struck the gravel lakeside before Mabel could finish.

“We’re here! I’m a lookout genius! Hamsterball, here I come!” Mabel hopped over the boat’s deck railing, earning a cringe from Melody.

“Mabel! What am I supposed to say to your uncle if your brother and I end up lugging you home with a broken ankle?”

“Say ‘twas a worthy sacrifice!” Mabel replied before standing and jumping eagerly, calling for Dipper to hurry as he lit a lantern. 

Melody quickly went below deck and grabbed a rather nice barbed spear she had in a hidden compartment, just in case. She kept its edges in pristine condition and couldn’t resist a prideful smile while gazing at it. Some fire charms Ford had given her to increase her weapon’s lethality went in her shorts’ pockets. It was always good to be prepared.

And if she wanted to show off a little, so what?

Mabel let out a delighted gasp at the sight of Melody confidently toting a maybe-illegal weapon. There were no cops around, how was anyone supposed to know?

Well, Dipper apparently did. His face took on an unsure expression as he descended the boat’s gangplank, lantern in hand.

“Um- is the state ok with you having that?”

“What the state doesn’t know won’t hurt them.” Melody replied mischievously as the group began walking. “Seriously though, some of the stuff you uncle has made makes this look utterly mundane. What’s a little spear compared to a plasma pistol?”

“Ford invented a  _ plasma pistol _ ?” Dipper’s voice ascended an entire 2 or so octaves in his excitement.

“Woah, Grunkle Ford being rebellious! Did I see this coming?” Mabel put a hand to her chin, contemplating how she’s defined her Grunkle up until right then. “Probably?”

“Hate to disappoint your charming thirst for chaos,” Melody said. “But he dismantled it right afterwards. Really, he just did it to see if he could.”

“Oh.” Dipper deflated just slightly, but was still pumped at his uncle having built a literal  _ epic sci-fi weapon. _

“Did he at least test it?” Mabel asked, earning naught but a cryptic smile from Melody.

Mood lifted, the trio gazed around the murky woods as they walked. The island had looked a  _ lot _ smaller from the water. Despite the new revelation about his uncle, however, Dipper was still growlingly apprehensive the further he walked into the dense trees. Mabel noticed, and tried to lighten him up.

“Are you scared, bro-bro?” She booped his nose.

“N-no!”

Mabel gasped. “You are! That won’t do!” She continued poking him, making Dipper grunt frustratedly before laughing, dropping the lantern as he tried to bat away his sister’s hands. 

Melody laughed at the kids being… well, kids. What was it like, having a sibling that resonated with you?

The contentment was cut short by what sounded like angry, deep growling sounding from the distance. The three jolted before whipping their heads in the direction of the sound. When Dipper reached down for the lantern a possum ran up and snatched it away.

“Our lantern! We can’t see anything!” This time, his voice rose out of fear rather than elation.

“Guys, I… don’t know if this is worth it.” Melody said nervously. While she was handy with a spear, even with a limited field of view, she was  _ not  _ handy with such a weapon with two kids to look after in a limited field of view.

“But- but- no! This’ll totally be worth it. We must conquer fear to be true adventurers!” Dipper claimed, trying to shake off the atmospheric dread. “Imagine what would happen if we got that picture!”

The twins spaced out again, Dipper imagining himself with an Indiana Jones-esque persona and Mabel subconsciously projecting her musings about how quickly she would go crazy if she never left her precious hamsterball onto what she pictured, the twins’ imaginations eventually colliding in the form of Mabel literally breaking into the studio where Dipper is getting interviewed and screamingly chasing him and the show host.

“I’m in!” They yelled in unison, eagerness washing away their fear as they bolted towards the noise.

“Guys! Wait!” Melody called as she followed them, her spear securely in front of her. Oh,  _ why _ were they so similar to her overenthusiastic idiotic genius of a boss? They’ve only known Ford for like a week and a half!

The group slowed down when they lost the brief sound’s direction of origin, and Mabel was about to start rapping when the noise started up again, prompting more running as Dipper pulled out a camera.

“This is it, this is it!” He whisper-shouted excitedly once the sound drew near, he and Mabel playfully pushing at each other’s shoulder in delight. Melody glared in resolve as she tightened her grip on her weapon.

A silhouette made itself known in the distance, and looked to be the source of the noise. The trio quickly crouched behind a rock.

“Everyone, get your cameras ready!” Dipper’s voice was an actual whisper this time. 

“Ready, go!”

Melody was the first to vault over their hiding place before putting her camera in one hand and her spear in the other, yelling out of fear. She took as many one-handed pictures as she could manage, hearing Dipper and Mabel following her closely. Once the fog cleared, literally and figuratively, the silhouette turned out to be oddly-placed remains of an old boat wreck upon which beavers had made their home.

Mabel squealed when 2 of them hugged and Dipper just stared, eye twitching.

“But... but what was that noise, then? We heard a monster noise!”

The aforementioned noise sounded again, just near the group. Turning, they found it had been emanating from a beaver that had gotten ahold of, and somehow managed to activate, an old chainsaw.

“It wasn’t a monster, but I can’t lie, a beaver with a chainsaw is kind of epic.” Melody admitted before going over to snap some pictures.

“Maybe that old guy was crazy after all.” Dipper sighed.

“He did use the word ‘scrapdoodle’.” Mabel acknowledged gloomily.

\--

Ford absently gnawed on his cheek and tapped his chin with his pen twice before adding observations of the freshwater bioluminescent plankton he had been examining into his lake notebook, the second volume in its series. He had found the subject of this current page exactly 8 years prior, and the scientist has been studying them ever since. 

Reaching forward with a swab, Ford scooped some of the plankton out of the water and deposited the swab in a partially-filled test tube containing lakewater. He always studied their DNA, it was always the same, and he always wondered _ will it be the same next time? _

In Gravity Falls, beings recalibrating their own DNA matrices was more common than one would think.

The plankton resided in a small, half-submerged cave and strangely, there seemed to be approximately the same amount throughout the years of Ford studying them. They never left the cave, the population never grew denser, and as far as Ford’s access to the world’s DNA databases went, their particular subspecies didn’t even exist, which meant he had unwittingly stumbled upon undiscovered aquatic creatures. 

Despite the numerous times Ford had found supposedly ‘nonexistent’ creatures within the borders of the magnificent Gravity Falls Valley, each and every time he did lead him to experiencing unfathomable excitement and joy, and he always studied them further. Then there was the problem of figuring out when to stop, which varied according to the creature. 

Ford excitedly yet quietly laughed to himself as his mind jumped to the utter  _ beauty _ of a gremloblin- he studied the chemical makeup of its equivalent to keratin, its epidermis, dermis, subcutaneous tissue, tears, blood, hair, muscles and bones layer by layer…  _ everything _ about it effectively removed the possibility of a natural predator, and was quite good for magic. It itself was magic as well, for god’s sake! It’s eyes had psychic properties! 

Ford supposed an example of contrasting creatures is the gnomes, which were essentially just small homo sapiens with a different skeletal structure- although their culture was fairly… interesting. Ford let out a small disgusted sound in memory of the stunt they pulled with Mabel. Trying to maintain a centuries-old monarchical system was one thing, but that time they were just being assholes.

He frowned upon finding his consciousness had once again looped back to his extended family, who were already arguably closer to him that his immediate family had ever been  _ except for Stan but Ford had sentenced him to- _

Nono _ no _ . Nope. Ford didn’t want to go there, he didn’t. Besides…

The twins found him boring. He knew Melody did, too. That was ok.

Then he thought about how happy the kids were to make a potion with him, and how invested they were in the creatures he had shown them in the forest, and how their eyes  _ shone _ when they looked at him. But then… why didn’t they come with him for this?

Finding cryptic and alchemical doodles on the margins of what had just been a half-empty page, Ford was reminded of Dipper’s own small notebook and smiled, before rolling his eyes upon the realization he had just spent his lake time spacing out and thinking about mammals.  _ Was _ a gremloblin a mammal, despite its reptilian features?

“Aquatic studies now, terrestrial studies later.” Ford verbally reminded himself before finishing his passage, taking some pictures of the plankton glowing in the shade, and motoring off.

\--

“Nice, nice! Work it!” Melody cheered on a posing beaver as she snapped pictures. Dipper had tried to tell her to save the film, to which she responded it was her disposable camera, her rules, and there wasn’t anything to save the film for.

“I can’t believe it! We ditched Uncle Ford for nothing! I bet he’s out there writing about an undiscovered species he found, or something.” Dipper huffed as he skipped a rock.

“Yeah, and he looked so sad when we left, too.” Mabel added, sitting on the rocky outcropping next to Dipper. “Oh, how did I say no to those blue puppy eyes?”

“Mabel, he’s like 40 years old.” Dipper said, looking down at her with a bemused expression.

“Puppy eyes are ageless!” She shot back.

Then the ground began to quake, earning cries of alarm and causing Mabel to fall in the lake, before frantically paddling towards land where Dipper pulled her back up. The cause of the shaking, a large, dark moving shape, made itself evident much to the terror of Mabel and Melody and excitement of Dipper. As it fled, Mabel yelled and Dipper fumbled before taking out his camera, smiling.

“This is it!” He snapped a picture of the retreating silhouette before turning around to find two fearful faces and no apparent cameras. “Come on, this is our chance! What’s wrong?”

The boy then heard the sound of shifting water in a gradually increasing volume, and watched confusedly as Mabel and Melody backed away. He knew the Gobblewonker was returning, but was it that hard to snap a picture?

“It’s not that hard, alright?” Dipper began demonstrating with his own camera. “All you gotta do is point, and shoot, like this.” He turned to take a picture only to find the monster a  _ lot _ closer to him than he thought it was. The boy yelled out of surprise and fear and dropped his camera.

“Run!” Melody yelled, grabbing Mabel’s hand and making a break for it as the Gobblewonker crawled onto dry land and roared.

“Can’t you fight it with your spear?!” Dipper shrieked as he dodged a falling tree.

“Listen, kid,” Melody huffed. “Just because I  _ can _ fight something doesn’t mean I  _ will, _ especially with you and your sister to take care of!”

The boy sighed- as well as one could sigh while sprinting for dear life- and grabbed another camera, turning around and aiming it at what was surely to be a contest winner. As he lined up the lens for the inevitably blurry shot, he tripped over a root and dropped it.

“Come  _ on _ kid!” Melody quickly circled back and threw Dipper over her shoulder, before shouting “hold this!” and shoving her spear into Mabel’s hands- much to her delight- before sweeping the girl up into a princess carry and running even faster, for once glad that her parents made her do track and field.

“If it- makes you feel- any better- I got some great pictures- of that beaver model!” Melody tried to reassure Dipper through pants.

“Why would that make me feel any better?!” The boy cried.

Finally making it to the boat, Melody rushed up the gangplank and all but dropped the twins before doubling over in exhaustion, pantingly telling them to raise the plank and anchor. As the Gobblewonker approached she stumblingly ran to the wheelhouse and reversed her boat out of the island shore, then turned it around and sped away, whisper-swearing all the while.

Dipper, eyes ever on the prize, drew out yet another camera but yelled in frustration upon finding a cracked lens.

“Melody! Get a photo!” He turned to see Melody madly steering and giving him a death glare.

“Right- sorry!” Dipper wilted under her gaze.

“Mabel, catch!” Melody yelled, chucking a small bag of cameras at Mabel, who dropped the spear she was fawning over and lunged, not catching the bag in time as it smashed against the boat’s side.

Before Dipper could let out an anguished cry, the Gobblewonker surged forward and the 3 screamed.

“Go go go go!” Mabel shouted.

\--

Ford felt a fascinated smile tug at his lips as he one-handedly snapped pictures of a 3-eyed frog he had stumbled upon that had been swimming near his boat. He held it in the hand unoccupied with his camera, wearing a glove of course. The amphibian was a peculiar thing: while its two eye-level eyes stared as frogs usually did, its 3rd eye, just above and between the other 2, darted around tirelessly. The animal itself remained calm, limbs dangling from its middle where Ford’s hand was gently circled around it. In his experience, typically 2-eyed creatures possessing a 3rd had limited premonition. Maybe the frog was calm because it didn’t see him as something that would threaten it?

Dropping his camera to let it rest on the strap around his neck, the scientist then managed to grab a pen and open his notebook, resting it on his lap, to jot down observations. The frog weighed approximately 0.5 pounds, possessed the average amount of limbs for a frog yet 1 extra, frantic eye, was currently extremely calm, and was…

Wait.

What color was it?

Ford looked back at the thing clutched in his hand and squinted, adjusting his glasses with his shoulder. It… didn’t have a color. Well, it did, it was not transparent nor translucent, but it was no color Ford could readily describe. All and none, everchanging yet remaining constant.

Utterly captivating.

“Ew! Pop-pop, why is that strange man holding a dead frog and staring at it?” 

Ford jumped at the sudden whining voice that pierced through his concentration like an ice pick. How rude! The scientist whirled around to see a late middle-aged man and two kids around the age of 8 giving him disgusted stares. The man, at least, was trying to hide his under a mask of indifference.

“Now now, remember what I told you,” The man scolded the children. “Everybody is born different, some more different than others, and this here man was born interested in frogs, and not as easily grossed out as the rest of us!” He then turned to face an annoyed Ford.

“I do apologize sir, these here kids haven’t been out in nature too often, and have a habit of speaking their minds. You have a good day now, and good luck with…” The man wrinkled his nose and glanced at the subject of Ford’s current study. “Whatever you’re doing.”

Ford just huffed and returned to writing in his book. Idiots. He didn’t bother to tell them the frog was very much alive, because that would mean he saw them as worth his time and breath.

“Alright kids, get out your notebooks and sketchbooks. Record what you see!” The man said.

“Can you tell us more cool stuff about the lake, pop-pop?”

“Of course, anything for my study buddies!”

The three motored away and Ford sighed, looking back at the frog. It still looked as interesting as ever, but… would Dipper and Mabel think so? Before, he would have just assumed so- especially Dipper, who much like Ford would probably unleash a litany of questions about what happened to it- but  _ would _ he, or would he just grimace and turn away?

Shocked by how much of a  _ freak _ his uncle was.

Ford’s spiraling thoughts were interrupted by the distressed roar of a… stag? Then there was the sound of a splash. He fumblingly pulled out his binoculars- still holding the frog in his other hand, as he had briefly forgotten about it- and searched the faraway shores for the sounds’ origin.

There!

There were fresh marks in a patch of mud bordering the lake that indicated something had been dragged into the water, and a large set of ripples. Drops of blood could also be seen.

_ What? _

Before Ford could motor over and further examine the event, a huge wave pushed at the boat and almost flipped the scientist over as he yelled in surprise. Recovering, he turned to see a boat-  _ Melody’s boat- _ speeding away from…

Was that the Gobblewonker?  _ Chasing them?! _

Without a second thought, Ford let the frog he had just remembered go, abruptly steered his boat, and sped off towards the quickly departing phenomenon, activating some of the emergency protocols he had manually built into the boat’s engine. Were they legal?

Sure.

The man roughly removed his gloves, turning them inside out before shoving them, his book, and his writing utensils in his bag before placing his camera on top much more gently after wrapping it in protective leather, then accelerated the boat to 40 knots, extending the rudder so he could move to the front as a counterweight and still steer.

While Ford knew he probably couldn’t do much from his current position, the idea of just continuing to research the lake- as interesting and routine as it is- made him feel very poorly. 

And he was pretty sure that if he got close enough, he could fling some spells at the twins’ and Melody’s pursuer.

Reaching back and pulling his slingshot and engraved stones out of his bag, Ford grit his teeth and glared forwards. The twins would be fine. Melody would be fine. They  _ would. _

\--

“Melody! BEAVERS!” Dipper wildly pointed ahead, where some beavers were sitting on an old shipwreck. After rushing away from Scuttlebutt Island, they had somehow looped around back of the island and encountered the same beavers as before.

The boy’s warning had come too late and the boat crashed into the wreck, causing a rain of angry beavers that immediately attacked the small crew of 3. As the trio fought the angry animals off, Melody unknowingly swerved directly towards a waterfall. They successfully got rid of the beavers, and looked up just in time to see one of the Gobblewonker’s fins swing towards them-

then freeze in place.

The momentum built from the monster already chasing them caused it to continue moving forward, however, and despite the sudden elimination of a threat Melody continued driving onward, before turning from the bizarre happening to ahead of her, which turned out to be a dead-end ending in a waterfall. They were going way too fast to break in time.

“KIDS!” Melody screamed. “We need to jump off-”

“No wait!” Dipper replied, desperately flipping through the journal that he had extracted from his vest upon seeing the Gobblewonker freaking  _ freeze mid-motion. _ “I think there’s a cave behind that waterfall!”

“YOU  _ THINK _ ?!”

The waterfall approached too quickly, and the crew ended up speeding through it only for the boat to crash onto a hidden shore, flinging the twins and Melody onto the sand. The frozen Gobblewonker followed, but its size got it stuck in the mouth of the cave.

“It’s stuck!” Mabel said happily.

“Ha ha yeah… wait, it’s stuck?” Dipper gave a giddy smile that rather quickly turned into a worried gawk when he patted himself down and couldn’t find a camera. Mabel walked up to him and lifted his hat with a grin. Dipper laughed and ran up to a higher rock outcropping and started taking as many pictures as he could.

“Any good ones?” asked Mabel.

“They’re all good ones!” her twin responded, hugging her in relief and excitement.

“WOO! HAMSTER BALL!” Mabel cheered, on the same page.

Melody groaned as she lay facedown on the dirt. She knew she was fine, but just wanted to lay down for a little while.

The Gobblewonker suddenly unfroze and roared, shaking the cave enough to dislodge a boulder from the ceiling which fell on its head, earning an electrical noise as the head twitched then fell, the creature going limp with a noise akin to an old TV shutting off.

“What the…?” The twins say in unison. Melody sat up tiredly.

Dipper went over to the side of the beast and knocked on it, feeling cold metal under his fist and hearing the hollow pang of a metal exterior. His face twisted in confusion and apprehension as he began climbing up the side, leading the girls to remind him of caution.

“I got this! Hold on-” Dipper saw a lever on the back of the supposed Gobblewonker and his frown deepened. “Guys, check this out!”

Mabel and Melody scrambled up the side to stand next to Dipper as he twisted the knob and pulled open a discreet trapdoor to reveal-

McGucket?!

“Work the bellows and the…” the man noticed them and turned fully, face taking on a resigned look upon the realization that he had been discovered. “Aww banjo polish!”

“Wha- Yo- You?! You made this? W-w-why?” Dipper’s speech was barely understandable with shock.

“Well, I...I, uh...I just wanted attention.” McGucket whined, looking down.

Melody and the twins traded bewildered looks.

“I still don’t understand.” Dipper said.

Assuming Dipper didn’t understand the invention, McGucket was happy to briefly explain. “Well, first I just hootenannied up a biomechanical brainwave generator, and then I learned to operate a stick-shift with ma beard!”

“But  _ why _ did you do it?” Mabel asked, arguably even more confused than before.

“Well, when you get to be a middle-aged loner like me, not really into ‘young stuff’ anymore, nobody really pays attention to you save for a glare if they think you’re actin’ weird,” McGucket sighed and looked into the middle-distance. “My own son’s been crashing at his friends’ places since he was 14, and moved out right on his 18th birthday and rented himself a place on the other side of town with the money saved up from his job! So I figured maybe I would catch his fancy with a 15-ton aquatic robot,” the man stopped speaking briefly to laugh maniacally before calming down. “since monsters are what kids much like yourselves are into these days.”

Dipper and Mabel looked at each other guiltily, thinking of their uncle.

“I’m drawing a lot of parallels with you guys and Ford today, just sayin’.” Melody shrugged.

“So… did you ever talk to your son about how you felt?” Mabel asked.

“No sir, I got straight to work on the robot!” McGucket then launched into a tale about various instances of his mechanical vengeance on those that wronged him such as building a ‘homicidal pterodactyl-tron’ that breathed fire on a town after his wife left him, or a ‘shame-bot’ that destroyed millions in property damage and probably killed some people too, just because a friend of his wouldn’t go to his retirement party. He mildly glossed over the damage done by just saying “THAT EXPLODED THE WHOLE DOWNTOWN AREA!” before falling to another fit of maniacal laughter.

“Welp, back to work on my death ray!” The man retreated into the recesses of his creation.

“Hey, wait! You gotta move so we can leave this cave!” Mabel stuck her head through the trapdoor and yelled after him.

“Right- my bad!” McGucket scrambled back up and began fiddling with his controls. “The brain of this robot might not work no-more but I’ve got a backup! I won’t chase ya, all this back up can do is slowly move ‘er around. Say, any of you kids got a screwdriver for my death ray?”

“Um- no.” said Dipper as McGucket shrugged and returned to getting the fake Gobblewonker up and running again.

“Well, so much for that photo contest.” Dipper sighed.

“Hey kiddo, what do you think we should do with this last camera I just realized I still have?” Melody asked, but they all already had a similar idea and smiled at each other, just as McGucket managed to back out of the cave mouth.

The group mounted Melody’s half-wrecked boat and it gave a stuttering start as she drove them out of the cave and through the waterfall, on the other side of which sat Ford in his boat, rocking back and forth agitatedly and clutching a slingshot in one hand. His face lit up upon seeing them and he moved to stand up before realizing that wasn’t such a good idea.

“CHILDREN! What happened?! Are you alright?! Why-”

“Grunkle Ford!” Mabel interrupted. “We’d  _ love _ to explain  _ everything _ , but… does your boat have room for 3 more?”

“Um- yes, of course!” 

“2 more, actually.” Melody smiled nervously. “I’m pretty sure my boat can make it to shore, and there’s quite a bit of cargo on here I want to save. I’ll be napping, make sure not to forget me when you leave.” She winked at Ford, who managed a tentative smile and winked back. He wasn’t sure if she winked due to her discreetly mentioning her weapons, or her hoping he’d further bond with the twins. Maybe both?

“Bye, Mel-mel!” Mabel said and waved eagerly before dropping the short distance from Melody’s boat to Ford’s, Dipper following suit.

“Um… ‘Mel-mel?’” Melody asked.

“I’m working on it!” Mabel replied with no further explanation.

“Call me if you’re unable to make it, alright?” Ford asked. Melody nodded. They boated next to each other only to split off once they left the channel that led to the cave.

“Children, I-”

“Ohmygosh Grunkle Ford we’re so sorry!” said Mabel.

“Yeah, ditching you to chase some monster was totally the wrong call. It wasn’t even real.” Dipper shrugged.

“Yes, I was wondering why it just… left. What was it?”

“A robot built by that weirdo McGucket- apparently, he’s some sort of mechanical genius?” Dipper shrugged again and Ford briefly felt the dullest of pains behind his eyes.

“But he was  _ totally _ sticking  _ way too hard _ to his monster thing, and used the machine Gobblewonker thing to attack us!” Mabel flailed her arms.

“Yeesh, I’m glad I was able to freeze it during its pursuit of you before it managed to complete its swipe.” Ford cringed.

“Wait, that was YOU?!” The twins asked simultaneously.

“Yes- who else would it have been?”

“Who knows in this crazy place?” Mabel laughed and Ford cracked a genuine smile.

“Indeed, my dear,” Ford quickly turned solemn, hunching over further and hiding his hands in his lap. “Anyway, I… don’t really blame you for choosing not to accompany me, you’re kids and… it makes sense you would lack interest in some of the things I enjoy, I don’t like that you would rather go out on dangerous monster hunts but-”

_ Freak. _

“I apologize for making you feel bad.”

The twins shared horrified glances and Dipper started waving his hands in front of him in the motion of ‘no way’.

“Uncle Ford, you’re super smart, but you have it backwards!” He said.

“ _ We _ should be sorry, and we are! Not you! We’re the ones that left you during something you wanted to do with us!” Mabel exclaimed, pounding her small fists on her knees. “You’re cool and fun and we love you, and know that you love us! We  _ wanna _ hang out with you!”

“Yeah, and I was totally stupid to think your kind of documentation would be boring, you know flipping  _ magic _ , and absolutely  _ nothing _ about Gravity Falls is boring.” Dipper said.

“Glass! We’ve got glass coming through!”

The group turned to see two old men standing on a different boat, holding a wide pane of glass between them and slowly drifting in no particular direction. They all wondered  _ where exactly were these men going? _

“Well, almost nothing.” Dipper amended.

Ford blinked, taken aback. The twins were so… nice. And genuine. And ernest. They really didn’t mind spending time with him?  _ Mabel _ thought  _ he _ was fun? Not knowing what to say, Ford ended up saying

“Don’t call yourself stupid, Dipper.”

The boy gave a nervous laugh, then asked “So… how exactly did you freeze the robot?”

Ford’s face immediately lifted as he dove into a descriptive, happy lecture about spell engravings, materials, and physical tools. The twins were enthralled, and Ford felt his heart get just a tad lighter.

He then reached into his bag and pulled out sketchbooks for the both of them along with pens and pencils: Sparkly ink and fuzzy tips for Mabel, black ink and chewy tips for Dipper. Ford explained that he further wanted to get to know them, and one of the ways he figured people out was through how they recorded things, since what they wrote was how they saw the world- in his point of view, at least. 

The next 2 hours were spent by much writing, drawing, laughing, and disposable camera photos, featuring many bad Mabel jokes and a wayward pelican.

As the bottom of the sun touched the horizon, bathing everything in a warm orange-red hue and causing the lake to look more akin to melted candle wax, something large bumped the bottom of their boat. The trio hurried to look over the side, seeing a pair of glowing eyes as big as Ford’s head staring back seemingly without malice. Ford grabbed up his camera which had been hanging around his neck as he beamed, eyes glimmering with exhilaration.

“This must be the real Gobblewonker! It isn’t fictional, children! Incredible, incredible!” The scientist was at a loss for words as he snapped further pictures as the creature swam around the boat. He then opened his notebook and jotted down sketches, notes, opinions, ideas…

“Grunkle Ford, aren’t you afraid it’ll… you know… attack?” Mabel asked apprehensively, still drawing the monster in sparkling cyan despite her apparent worry.

“I hadn’t necessarily considered it,” Mabel raised a brow at this. “But if it harbored any ill will towards us, I highly doubt it would have given us a warning by bumping our boat and swimming around, don’t you agree?”

“I guess.” she perked up and peeked further over the side to see it bare its teeth. “Grunkle Ford! It smiled at me!”

“This. Is. So. Cool!” Dipper excitedly wrote notes almost at the pace of his uncle, having completely forgotten about the competition that drove him to look for the Gobblewonker in the first place.. 

Ford was bouncing slightly in his seat, then froze when he remembered the sounds from earlier. Did this creature drag a stag into the lake as it drank water on the shore? He did vaguely recall seeing the glow of eyes beneath the ripples. Which meant it was either carnivorous or omnivorous…

So why was it not attempting to eat them? A creature of that size would require an immense amount of calories per day, and Ford was fairly certain a single stag, as grand as they were, didn’t cut it. Then again, it had probably eaten more that the scientist just hadn’t noticed.

The man kept his deductions to himself as the Gobblewonker swam away, the children were content and the being wished them no harm, so why ruin the peaceful air?

Ford gave a small hum as he looked around, before writing.

_ This is one of the most genuinely pleasant moments of my life. _

He then told the twins to display their Gobblewonker sketches and took the first non-scientific picture in the hundreds of informational images he had stored on his camera, happy to tell them so.

_ Thank you, Dipper. Thank you, Mabel. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: ok, Melody's pretty cool and-
> 
> My brain: spear
> 
> Me: What?
> 
> My brain: fire spear.
> 
> And idk how obvious it is but I’m a gremloblin enthusiast.
> 
> Also, in case you didn't notice, my idea for Melody is that she's going to have the most common sense.
> 
> ALSO also, let me know if you guys think the chapters should be shorter. I had a blast writing this, don't get me wrong, but the entirety of pt 1 and pt 2 literally took up 27 pages on Docs and I don't know how tedious this is for you guys to read. So if you think the episodes should be shorter, tell me!
> 
> As always, comment, critique, advise, ask! Just like earlier chapters, I'm definitely going to find mistakes after publishing this and will edit them. Nothing major.


	5. Headhunters pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A potion ingredient, artistic inspiration, emotional baggage, and angry people!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is. 5 in the fucking AM where I live right now. I haven't slept. What am I doing.
> 
> What I love, that's what.
> 
> Also HAPPY NEW YEAR ! ! Let's hope 2021 will be less of a dumpster fire

The warm Sunday afternoon was a quiet one- it was as if the very forest was aware of the existence of off-days, and had decided to take one itself. The Mystery Shack was closed and Stanford Pines was taking a rare nap, while Melody, Dipper, and Mabel sat in the living room, watching a cartoon which was essentially the Sherlock Holmes stories with a duck instead of the famous consulting detective, and a constabulary officer as a partner instead of a veteran. Melody was entirely certain this was the creation of stoners, but the kids loved it, and she could tolerate it.

“I’m afraid your services won’t be required here, sir,” The TV officer’s perpetual glare deepened as he gestured to the crime scene of a dead man sprawled within a phone booth. “My men have examined the evidence, and this is obviously an  _ accident _ .”

“I could fake a British accent better than that.” Melody stated for the nth time, rolling her eyes. 

Dipper shushed her, and Mabel took this chance to reach for the popcorn her brother had been hoarding, somehow managing to knit one-handed while shoving a small handful of the buttery snack into her mouth.

The irritating quacking of Duck-tective began, the subtitles on the TV reading “An accident, constable? Or is it… MURDER?!”

“What?!” The constable all but shrieked.

The logo of a duck fin shaped like a police badge then filled the middle of the screen, along with the title of the show. 

“Duck-tective will return after these messages.” said the TV announcer.

Mabel dropped her knitting needles in shock after she processed the reveal. Dipper stared, wide-eyed, before shrugging.

“That duck is a genius.” said Mabel, in awe.

“Eh, it’s easier to find clues when you’re that close to the ground.” Dipper gestured to demonstrate the duck’s short stature.

Melody rolled her eyes. “The acting is terrible. The CGI duck is annoying, the twists are obvious! Why do I watch this?”

“The drama?” Mabel asked, turning to look at Melody.

“You got me, kiddo.” Melody smiled and ruffled Mabel’s hair affectionately.

“But you do have a point, Melody,” Dipper said. “This is pretty simple. Plus, like I said, the duck has an advantage!”

“Are you saying you could outwit Duck-tective?” Mabel asked Dipper, narrowing her eyes.

“Mabel, I have very keen powers of observation. For example, just by smelling your breath I can tell that you have been eating…” Dipper sniffed, and frowned. “An entire tube of toothpaste?”

“It was so sparkly…” she admitted guiltily.

“Mabel, eating toothpaste sends kids to the hospital! It’s not good for you! I know your creations and habits have led to a digestive system of iron, but don’t do that, alright?” Melody scolded.

“Ok.”

Dipper resumed his deductions. “Melody, I shall now investigate you,” He narrowed his eyes and put a hand to his chin in thought, before climbing onto the arm of the chair she was sitting on. “By observing your hair, and judging by what I can smell since you just took a shower…” he gasped. “You’ve been using Ford’s shampoo!”

“You got me, kid,” She chuckled. “Half the time the money for it is outta my pocket, though, since your uncle is hardly one to worry about whether or not he’s out of the stuff, so it’s not like I’m stealing or anything.”

“But- why?” A perplexed Dipper asked.

“Have you seen that man’s hair?” Melody lamented. “It’s as close to perfect as ungelled, unbrushed hair can get! The guy runs his hands through it all the time and it’s been through numerous nights in the woods and yet it’s curls are still so soft!”

Dipper just stared, confusion growing when he noticed Mabel nod in understanding. 

“I hope to one day live up to the legacy on his head.” Melody sighed.

“Hear, hear, sister.” Mabel agreed.

“You guys are nuts.” Dipper deadpanned.

The commercial break ended and the 3 watched the rest of the episode. As it turned out, the murder was comitted by an obsessive comic artist who needed to see a murder scene before drawing it, and decided to murder people themself instead of just going into law enforcement because… reasons. Melody moaned that it was the worst episode yet before getting up to grab a snack.

“OW!” Her angry cry sounded from just beyond the living room in the hallway. The twins rushed over to investigate, glad to have something to do outside of watching even more commercials. The found Melody leaning against the wall, clutching her socked foot in one hand, and a metal object in another.

“I thought I told Ford to stop leaving metal things lying on the floor!” She hissed.

“What is that?” Dipper asked.

“It looks like a… doorknob?” Mabel frowned and grabbed it from Melody, and decided to place it in a hole in the wall she saw because why not?

A click could be heard and Mabel felt something give. She turned the knob and pushed, hearing wallpaper rip.

“There’s a door hidden behind the wallpaper?” 

“That’s… insanely creepy,” Melody shuddered. “yet so Ford I’m not even surprised.”

With a loud creek, the door opened to reveal a dark room full of weird silhouettes. As the dim hallway light spilled onto them, they were revealed to be wax statues of famous figures throughout history.

“Woah… It’s a secret wax museum...” Dipper wandered through them in awe as Mabel and Melody took their own routes through the dusty collection.

“They’re so life-like.” said Mabel, poking at a statue of Sherlock Holmes.

“For the most part I suppose they are, although the deerstalker cap on that Holmes figure was never mentioned in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s works, it was invented by the stories’ illustrator at the time, Sidney Paget.”

The trio screamed out of shock, Mabel crying out “Nerd Speak!” as they turned to face who had spoken. Ford was standing in a corner, scroll in one hand and ink bottle in the other.

“It’s just me. Children, Melody, what are you doing here?” The man blinked owlishly at them and pushed up his glasses.

Melody’s surprised expression turned into a disappointed glare. “I could ask the same of you. I actually believed you were napping, and the children were causing you to get into some good habits.” 

“On the contrary, my dear Melody, I did have a nap! I slept for precisely 53 minutes, and just got up in fact, as you could probably tell from my attire.” Ford gestured to his outfit, which was made up of a pair of loose, soft-looking striped knee-length shorts, and a long-sleeve shirt so large the hem reached halfway down his thighs, with the sleeves rolled up to free his hands. The large clothes seemed to exaggerate how thin he was.

Forgetting about his question, Ford then excitedly flung his arms wide, automatically taking on his showman character to explain the room.

“Welcome to the Mystery Shack Wax Museum!” He squinted. “I feel like this presentation would go better in proper light, but I am unaware of the location of the switch.”

Melody rolled her eyes and walked to the middle of the room to reach up and pull down a chain nobody had noticed, bathing the room in the pale glow of a shaded bulb.

“Thank you. As I was saying, this had been one of my most popular attractions for a time, about a year before I had met you, Melody. People loved seeing well-known historical figures in the stereotypical clothes of their era,” Ford gestured at some of the expertly carved and very period-typical outfits. “At one point, I attempted to introduce statues of other important figures, but not as many of my clientele know the faces of those such as Alexander Fleming or Margaret Hamilton, and people come here for superstition, not historical education…” the man trailed off and glared at the floor.

“Why’d you lock them away?” Mabel asked.

“Well, they gradually lost popularity, as is to be expected with anything nowadays. For their price, this is still a rather impressive collection. Florence Nightingale, Sherlock Holmes, Genghis Khan…” he took to slowly walking throughout the statues.

“This is fascinating and all, but what were you  _ doing, _ standing in a corner with some old paper?” Melody asked, trying to pull Ford on-task.

“Well, I was- AGH!” He stumbled backwards and fell onto the floor, drawing attention to himself and what he was looking at, which turned out to be a melted statue sitting in direct sunlight coming through a window with its blinds open.

“Why did I buy Abraham Lincoln  _ and  _ John Wilkes Booth?” Ford mumbled under his breath.

“Who was this?” Dipper asked, surveying the scene.

“This had been… Abraham Lincoln,” Ford’s face wore a troubled expression as he stood up and dusted himself off. “How could I go about fixing this?”

“Cheer up, Grunkle Ford! Smile!” Mabel poked at her cheeks. “Don’t worry, I’ll make you a new wax figure out of all this old wax!”

“You believe you’re able to create a scale model of a human out of wax from scratch?” Ford looked at her in curious awe.

“Grunkle Ford, I’m an arts-and-crafts master,” Mabel stated confidently. “Why do you think I alway have this glue gun stuck to my arm?” To demonstrate, she held out her arm to reveal a glue gun and several streamers stuck fast to her sweater sleeve.

“I admire your acumen, dear.” 

“I don’t know what that means, but thank you.”

“And if you want help getting all that off of your sleeve, let me know. I’ve a chemical formula for a substance that dissolves most types of glue.”

“No thanks, this is my badge of arts honor!”

\--

Later that day, Mabel found herself standing on a stool and staring at a tall rectangular prism of wax, notebook and pencil in hand. She had so many ideas, but not a single one of them was fully fleshed out! In an effort to force true inspiration, she began mentally combining her favorite creatures. Suddenly, an idea struck! She excitedly drew it out and finished right as Dipper was walking by with a Pitt-Cola.

“Dipper!” Mabel exclaimed while jumping off her stool, causing her brother to choke in surprise. 

“What do you think of my wax figure idea?” She faced her sketchbook towards him. “She’s part fairy princess, and part  _ horse  _ fairy princess!”

“Um… maybe you should carve something from real life.” Dipper suggested, trying to avoid looking at his sister’s creation after seeing it for all of 1 second.

“Like a waffle,” Mabel began scribbling on a new page. “With big arms!”

“Yeah… ok, or, you know, something else,” Dipper shrugged nervously. “Like someone in your family.”

“Children!” Ford burst into the room, still clad in his pajamas but missing the scroll and ink from earlier. “Spur-of-the-moment lesson in potion ingredients! Come outside!” And before the twins could formulate a reply, he was gone again.

The next half hour was spent watching Ford perform a ritual for gathering the potent stillness that had come over the very essence of Gravity Falls’ magic. According to him, it could be used in a multitude of very effective potions and spells that are associated with calmness- whether it simply be something to steady nerves, or a fatal muscle relaxant. The airborne tranquility only appeared twice a year, however, and it required a great deal of skill to harness it. Once someone, anyone, within the vicinity managed to gather it, the “spell” per se, would be broken and the magic would be active again, ruining anybody else’s opportunity until the next one came.

Ford’s process was very odd but very cool, involving a circle drawn in the dirt outside the Shack, a closed plant terrarium, a drop of blood, and a tupperware container. While Dipper experienced his usual automatic desire to soak up information, especially from a man as smart and outside-the-box as their uncle, Mabel’s enthrallment came from her desire for artistic inspiration. There was something about the excited way Ford moved his unique hands; that familiar, carefree joy emanating off of him when experiencing and explaining something he loved to listening ears; his gleeful focus…

Then he succeeded, which was something he had admitted to doing only twice beforehand.

Holding the sealed tupperware high, Ford himself felt a strong gust of wind suddenly blow in from the trees, along with a small but noticeable temperature increase of the air. He laughed out of triumphant surprise and gazed at the sky, proudly straightening his back and smiling giddily. He had done it!

Mabel stared, clutching her sketchbook. That spark she had begun to notice swiftly set her mind alight, so to speak. Her uncle standing straight and proud, with none of that apprehensive tension in his shoulders, was wonderful to see. And the way he looked to the sky, causing the sun to hit his glasses just right as a genuine, wide,  _ free _ smile of happy pride lit his square face caused her eyes to widen in awe at the sheer beauty of her uncle’s pure happiness. The abrupt wind blowing at his oversized clothes just served as a bonus at that point.

Yeah, she knew who she was carving.

“Oh, Muse-” Mabel joined her Grunkle in beholding the above. “You work in mysterious ways.”

\--

Deciding she wanted her wax figure to be a surprise, Mabel had moved her small workshop to a curtained-off section of the spacious attic, right near her and Dipper’s bedroom so she could work on it right as she got up, and right as she went to bed.

It was tiring, meticulous work, but the several days it took her were completely worth it. Moving the curtain aside, she let her brother see the figure for the first time.

“Woah, that’s incredible, Mabel!” Dipper bounced on the balls of his feet and gripped the hem of his vest in excitement. 

“Just like I said- I’m an arts-and-crafts  _ master _ !”

“Don’t forget who gave you the idea of carving someone in your family.”

Mabel blew a raspberry at her teasing twin and gave her work another once-over.

“Hey, do you think it needs more glitter?”

“Hmm, I’m not sure. Wanna ask Melody?”

“You read my mind.”

They both ran downstairs into the kitchen to find Melody and Ford arguing about his caffeine intake. Ford’s arguments involved him having to open the Shack later and numerous nights in highschool and beyond being 10x more productive. Melody’s arguments were just Ford’s with additional unmentioned health risks.

“Melody! I need you for a thing!” Mabel exclaimed.

The adults both jumped in surprise before turning to the kids. Ford raised a brow.

“Well Melody, what a shame we are as of yet unable to continue this rousing debate-”

“I’m not done with you old man.” Melody glowered and followed the twins back upstairs, leaving a sputtering Ford behind.

“I’m in my early 40’s!”

\--

“Mabel, this is epic!” Melody stared at the girl’s work in awe. “Has anyone told you how gifted you are?” 

“Aw, shucks,” Mabel smiled, a light blush dusting her cheeks. “Anyway, I came to get you because- do you think it needs more glitter?”

Melody squinted at the masterpiece created by her quasi-niece/good friend. It was a wax figure of Stanford, made almost exactly to scale. He was wearing his classic “Dr. Mystery” lab coat, button-up, tie, slacks, and leather dress shoes, holding a cane with a small ball of hardened amber he carried around sometimes. He was carved standing straight yet relaxed, a position Melody’s rarely seen her boss in. The hand that wasn’t holding the cane was holding a closed red journal of sorts, the six fingers carefully clutched around the object. His bluer-than-life eyes were slightly narrowed as he wore a knowing smile, laugh lines she wasn’t sure existed on the face of the statue’s subject present and obvious on the edges of its eyes. While it didn’t look like a carbon copy, as it wasn’t as detailed as real life and had the look of something that was clearly a carving, it was very well done.

The feel of it was so cheerful, and Mabel was nothing if not the embodiment of creative liberty.

“While it doesn’t  _ need _ anything, nothing could go wrong with a bit of extra sparkle.” Melody pat Mabel’s shoulder, continuing to gaze in admiration.

“Alrighty!” Mabel took the bucket of glitter handed over by Dipper and grabbed several handfuls of the fine substance, blowing it onto the statue to ensure something close to an even spread.

“Greetings children, I was wondering-” Ford walked in with a large mug of coffee and froze at the sight of Mabel’s work.

“Well?” Mabel asked, grinning. “Do you like it?”

Ford didn’t answer. He couldn’t. His likeness was right in front of him and- and- it wasn’t a reflection. It was  _ there  _ and it-  _ he _ was  _ grinning _ and  _ he _ was  _ holding the Journal  _ and he was  _ blaming him- _

_ What if the kids found out? If they knew how  _ horrible _ Ford was? _

_ Trust no one. Trust no one. Trust- _

**Some brother you turned out to be .**

**That is** **_it_ ** **, SIXER .**

**Poindexter! Stanford!** **_Ford, please, I lo -_ **

Something shattered.

Ford gave a small jolt in his surprise, and wondered what had broken. Also, where had his mug of coffee gone?

He looked down to see his slippers slowly being surrounded by some dark liquid spreading around white shards.

“Uncle- Uncle Ford, are you ok?” A timid voice asked, prompting the man to look back up and Melody and Mabel and Dipper and  _ that figure _ … that Mabel had made. All by herself. Yet it looked so… so lifelike. Not an exact replica, no, but real enough to throw Ford off and painfully remind him of the fact that Dipper and Mabel were twins, that he had the evidence of all his mistakes in the basement, that he made everybody think Stan was-

“Oh- so sorry children, apologies, I’m per - perfectly alright, Dipper. I… I was… Mabel, I’m simply floored. Or my coffee is, anyway,” Ford replied. “ _ Well done _ sweetheart, this is surely-” he squinted, realizing something and figuring that it was why directly looking at it physically hurt his eyes. “Is he… am  _ I _ covered in glitter?”

“Yes! Everyone looks better with glitter!” Mabel’s mood picked up again after her uncle’s somewhat worrying zone-out. “The only reason I haven’t dumped some on the real you is because you’re like Dipper, and the last time I dumped some on Dipper the drama queen coughed a bunch and said something about getting choked, but nerdier.”

“Only living with Mabel will make asphyxiating on glitter a genuine, thought-out fear.” Dipper explained gravely. Ford and Melody nodded.

“Reasonable.” They said in unison.

“Uncle Ford… do you need any help with that?” Dipper asked, pointing to the glass and coffee-covered wood surrounding Ford’s feet.

“If you could, my boy, please retrieve my glass device from downstairs. I believe it’s in the kitchen.”

“On it!” The boy left.

“Hey, Ford, this is the first time there’s been a new wax figure to go with your other ones, right? Why not reopen the museum? Wax museums are making a comeback, man,” Melody suggested. “Mabel deserves to have her work seen.”

“Yeah Grunkle Ford! We’ll call it… um... ‘The Mystery Shack Wax Museum: Waxing’ - you know, like the moon!”

Ford furrowed his brows and looked down at his (thankfully waterproof) slippers. The wax figures’ spell had already been broken by Melody and the twins earlier that day, so people seeing them shouldn’t pose an issue. And while he wasn’t exceptional at keeping track of dates, he had the moon cycle completely memorized (it was very important for some of his study subjects) and knew the New Moon had just occurred the previous night, meaning it was now waxing and the figures would come alive. But… if Ford held the exhibition that afternoon, and closed the Shack early, he could still get the stasis spell in place to prevent the statues from once again becoming animate at night.

While the scientist didn’t particularly… enjoy the face that would be the collection’s latest addition, he agreed with Melody about his niece’s work needing recognition.

“Alright, I relent,” Ford looked up and managed a smile for his niece. “We’ll hold a wax exhibition this afternoon. Mabel, if it’s not too much work, I’d be honored if you drew the design for the advertisements.” Mabel squealed. “Melody, take her to the copier store and handle publicity- or however close one can get to it in this town. Offer some free beverage or food, that will at least get them to come. Dipper and I can manage the layout.”

As if summoned by his name, Dipper came hurrying into the space bearing Ford’s device- and a mop. 

It turned out, the boy did indeed hear his name and duty. “Uncle Ford, I have ideas about how we’ll arrange the statues! I was thinking chronological- that way, people will at least learn something, even if that something is that Neil Armstrong was born after Genghis Khan! And maybe we could do another thing about their lives and the media they’re portrayed in, like how Sherlock Holmes is super popular even though he wasn’t real and in a magazine while Coolio was real and on the radio!”

“Yes, yes, we can work with that my dear boy,” Ford put a hand to his chin as his smile widened. “Get people interested in regular history, perhaps tying it into paranormal history to keep their interest…” He was about to walk towards Dipper, having forgotten about the glass, until Melody loudly cleared her throat.

“Ah, yes, I have some cleaning up to do. Dipper, why don’t you sketch some of your layout ideas! Mabel, Melody, I wish you luck.”

After around 2 hours of preparation, designing, and redesigning, the Mystery Shack Wax Museum was back after almost a decade. Mabel’s posters were on every phone pole in town, and Dipper and Ford combined history and public appeal to strategically place the wax figures throughout the museum section of the Shack, moving some of Ford’s specimens that had been previously on display into the room that once held the statues. Mabel’s own figure was standing covered in a sheet on a small stage in the museum’s center, the sculptor herself proudly standing next to it. Dipper was behind the stage according to where the audience would be, labelling wax statues with name cards. Once there were a fair amount of people inside, Ford also stepped onto the stage and cleared his throat in the microphone.

“People of Gravity Falls and beyond, I welcome you to the reopening of the Mystery Shack Wax Museum,” he swallowed and focused on the wall behind the small crowd. He gave few announcements like this and was reminded why by sweating palms and a heating face. But it was fine, he could bear a minute or 2 of introduction- it was the least his niece deserved.

“You most likely are aware of me, Dr. Mystery, knowledgeable intellectual majorly concerning the paranormal, collector of the strange and unusual, and occasional host to events such as this, regarding the combination of preternatural and human history,” Ford began. The audience stared blankly. “Now, the Wax Museum shall gain a new figure, carved by my niece herself. One could say presenting it in such a manner is vain but frankly, I don’t necessarily care. Mabel, if you would do the honors?”

Mabel nodded and pulled the sheet to reveal the wax statue of Stanford Pines, Dr. Mystery. She took the microphone from her uncle and beamed at the crowd.

“Thank you for coming! For those of you that didn’t understand my Grunkle’s Nerd Speak, I’m pretty sure he was just nervously saying hi. Anyway, I made this sculpture here with my own 2 hands! It took days and is covered in my blood, sweat, tears, and other fluids.”

The crowd made a combination of disgusted sounds and Ford facepalmed at her candor. Or he was about to, when he saw Dipper and a peculiar goggled and bald man peak through the curtain that led to the gift shop. What was his nephew doing? Who was he with?

“Yeah,” Mabel chuckled. “I will now take questions! You there!” She pointed to- was that McGucket?

“Old Man McGucket, local kook,” said the familiar voice. Ford felt his heart break a little, but couldn’t be sure why. “Are the wax figures alive? And followup question, can I survive the wax-man uprising?”

Ford was, for lack of a better word, flabbergasted. This eerily familiar ‘local kook’ just outlined the statues’ nature dead-on in a seemingly random guess. 

Unaware of her uncle’s thoughts, a confused Mabel just said “Um… yes!” before pointing to the next person with their hand raised, who introduced himself.

“Toby Determined,  _ Gravity Falls Gossiper _ \- do you really think this constitutes a Wonder of the World?”

“What?” Ford asked quietly, looking down at Mabel.

“I may or may not have gone a bit overboard in my poster messages.” Mabel cryptically explained while leaning from the microphone, before turning back to it and telling Toby the ‘microphone’ he was holding up was a turkey baster.

“It certainly is,” the journalist replied.

She called on the next person and seemed to have it handled, so Ford left the stage, with a quiet guarantee to Mabel of returning, to go see who on Earth was in the gift shop with Dipper. Upon arriving, however, the man found that nobody was there save for Wendy, who was dozing in the alcove under the counter, leaned over the shoebox of admission money. Confused, he returned to the Museum to see Dipper standing behind the stage just like before, adjusting a name card for a wax statue as if he never left the room in the first place…

What?

Ford climbed back onto the stage, bewildered, just as another reporter stood to give an inquiry of her own.

“Shandra Jimenez, a  _ real _ reporter. Your flyers offered free coffee and doughnuts, is this true?” She asked, holding up a poster of Mabel’s, indicating a small passage of writing definitely not in his niece’s familiar print that read ‘FREE COFFEE! FREE DOUGHNUTS!’

The crowd began mumbling discontentedly and Ford and Mabel traded nervous glances. 

“Unfortunately that was a mistake, and neither of those things are entirely healthy, anyhow. Good afternoon!” Ford spoke quickly before grabbing Mabel’s hand and getting off the stage right before flicking the switch he always had in his lab coat pocket, turning off the lights and leaving the shuttered room in near pitch darkness. 

Having helped set up the layout for the room, Ford had memorized where everything was and had little difficulty finding Dipper and leaving the museum using the ‘Employees Only’ backdoor that went to the hallway near the attic staircase, which he then locked before turning the lights back on. The crowd would either leave through the direct entrance or the Gift Shop, and he was glad Wendy was under the desk with the money. She was a heavy sleeper, and he didn’t have to worry about the money getting stolen.

Angry grumbles could be heard the entire time, one of the loudest being that of Manly Dan as the sound of splintering wood travelled through the door, indicating that he had broken a chair.

Mabel hummed. “I think that went well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, this will most likely be minutely edited for grammar things I definitely missed because I need sleep. This episode will be pretty long because of that insanely self-indulgent potion ingredient bit I added because reasons.
> 
> Comment! Critique! Ask! Advise! Writer's block is an ever-present danger here because of what I got myself into (don't worry thought it's fun as hell), so I'll probably make a oneshot series that's just self-indulgent bs so I can get past that and back to this story, so be on the lookout! 
> 
> See you guys in part 2, thanks for being here!


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